I believe there are two kinds of people. One is someone who loves being close to others, loves knowing them and caring for them with all of their heart. The other is someone who cares about others but prefers distance. They fear losing pieces of themselves in the process of caring for others. I also believe that everyone can experience both of these feelings. I'm naturally someone who loves being close to others. However, for a while I was very much in the other boat. I focused on myself in fear of losing my ability to be alone in the process of caring for others. While I have definitely made my way back to the first stage, I have a changed view of relationships through experiencing both.
I know that love isn't something that can bring us down or make us worthless. Bad relationships do that. Not just romantic relationships, but a bad friendship, work relationship, or a bad partner. But that's not love. Relationships of any kind that are filled with real love will not make you less of who you are, they will embrace who you are and help you grow. Let go of the toxic people who make you feel bad about the choices that make you happy. Hold on to the people that are there for you in the good and bad times. Find people who will be excited for your happiest days and will stand by you on your worst.
Be whole on your own, and whole in your relationships. You don't require another person to make you complete. At the same time, another person should never make you less. You owe it to yourself to fall in love with yourself. You owe it to yourself to fall in love with someone else. You never have to choose one over the other when the relationship or friendship is right. You should be able to laugh, celebrate, cry, and sit in silence with someone you love.
Don't forget to be selfish with your love. You don't owe anything to anybody ever. Don't love someone out of obligation -- love them when it's right. Don't deny yourself a great friendship or relationship because of a fear of attachment or of not being able to be yourself. You will always be you when you are happy with yourself. That happiness will only increase when you are surrounded by those who love who you are. The right relationships will make you up and make you grow. You won't be stifled.
There's a quote I love that reads, "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." I love that quote not only because it's beautiful, but because it is true. In the friends, family, role models, and partners that you truly love, you will find that you share a connection and love that you just can't explain. It's easy, it's fun, and it's right for you. Don't deny yourself these relationships. When you encounter someone who is right, and deserving of your love, give it to them.
