Being in a partnership with another human can sometimes be messy. Which makes sense because humans are, well, messy creatures. When you become close with another person you begin to see the parts of them that they don’t always let others see, and you begin to let some of your own walls come down as well. Creating a relationship that exists independently of anyone else is a beautiful thing and often makes days brighter and life happier, especially when you gain a best friend who helps you through this rollercoaster we call life. But there is a unique kind of relationship that exists between two people who are just a little extra “messy.” This article is for those of you who are in love with someone who like you and I, struggles with a mental illness.
In the beginning, our relationship was so easy. We fell in love so quickly and felt as if the passion between us could never fade. There was nobody I would rather talk to about my day and there was nobody you’d rather binge watch Netflix with. The start of relationships are usually this way, easy, happy, and carefree. But something happens when you start to get closer, those little insecurities start to pop up, I have to cancel a date because my depression is paralyzing, you have to pretend like you’re going to bed early because you don’t want me to know that you’re having an anxiety attack, we start to realize that we’re no longer dealing with just one mental illness, but two, and we don’t know how to show each other our full selves, because this is uncharted territory for us.
In all of my other relationships, I mostly kept my dark side to myself, in fact most of my exes didn’t even know I struggled with depression. But you were different, you maybe didn’t and still don’t know what it’s like to live with a mind that behaves like mine does, but you have struggles of your own and can understand how it feels to be sick on the inside. Being with someone who has a mental illness means being patient. Loving somebody who often struggles to love themselves means you just get to love a little stronger and open your heart a little wider. Having an illness yourself means you sometimes will convince yourself that your partner doesn’t want you, but because they understand where your insecurities are coming from they will remain by your side with the gentle reminder that they do in fact love you, and will be with you not only when the storm passes but through all the madness.
No relationships are perfect, and no mental illnesses are the same. I will not say that it’s always been easy, as there have been many times when my depression or your anxiety want so badly to come between us. Some people think you’re crazy and some people think I’m lazy and sometimes we might even think those things about ourselves when we’re stuck in the middle of a dark period, but despite that we continue to love each other. The fact that we both have mental illnesses makes me feel not only like I’m never being judged but also that I’m never felt sorry for or painfully misunderstood. Having a partner who suffers from a mental illness is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I hope with all of my heart that others out there like me or my partner are able to find perfectly flawed, messy, broken humans to travel their journeys with.
