I have always been a heavier girl. I’ve tried harsh diets, intense workouts, starving myself, nothing ever works. Through high school, I always felt like everyone was looking at my weight before they even looked at who I was. When I got to college, I expected it to be the same way. But surprisingly, it wasn’t. In college you have people from all over the place coming together. Everyone is so different in so many different ways. Trust me, there are some people who will be rude and knock you down, but you just have to get back up.
I always felt out of place because of my weight. I hate the way that clothes look on me, I hate wearing a bathing suit, and sometimes I have zero confidence. But it’s something that I am working on. No one should ever feel worthless or like they don’t matter. Especially because of how they look. Looks are only superficial and there is so much more to a person than the surface.
My biggest pet peeve is when people assume I’m saying I’m fat, ugly and so on, I want attention. That’s not it though. It’s something I truly believe. When I look in the mirror I don’t see what other people say they see. I see someone who is just almost gross. But the older I get the more my opinion changes. Trust me, sometimes I have my bad days and I get upset even over a small little pimple.
What is my outlook now? Well, I try my best to just look at all the positives. For example, I will look in the mirror and literally say to myself, “Are you really going to act like that? You are alive, and that’s the important thing.” Most of the time I just try to smile and think of one positive thing that I can tell myself going into the day. Something that I see in myself and makes me happy.
In life I have learned that it is more than fat and skinny. It’s more than being pretty and ugly. It’s truly about how you treat other people. It’s about what you put into the world. If you put good into the world, then you will get good back. Life isn’t always fair, but you will feel a lot better about yourself if you do good. I’ve never once heard someone do something good for someone else and then they say, “Wow, that made me feel like crap to help someone.” That normally doesn’t happen.
I’ve learned to laugh at my mistakes and grow from them. Everyone makes mistakes and has their faults. The important thing is to realize that you made a mistake and reflect on that. Think of what you should have done or what could have made it better. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
What I want all girls to know is, you are your worst critic. You are going to see “imperfections” that no one else is going to see. Don’t think of yourself negatively. Try to see the best in yourself because someone out there will see that in you as well. I try not to see myself as fat, or ugly, or anything else negative. I just want to see myself as being the best version of myself there is.
