It may come as a surprise to some that not every college student partakes in the typical campus shenanigans, such as exposing ankles, staying up past sunset, and creating unnecessary racket at any given time.
Many of us prefer a more sedimentary lifestyle in which the highlight of the day is watching early morning game shows, and going out in the rain is considered “risky behavior.” Take a moment to appreciate the frequently crabby and antisocial, but golden-hearted, bingo lovers in your school’s community.
You skip out on the party scene.
There’s simply nothing appealing about throwing up in a communal bathroom and not remembering it the next day. In fact, your personal Hell consists of loud music, tight clothes, provocative dancing, and mingling with drunken youths. Your ideal evening on any weekend involves snuggly wool blankets, catching up on your favorite shows, avoiding social interaction, and a steaming cup of your favorite tea. Bonus points if the mug has cats on it.
You steal food from the dining hall as a “snack for later.”
If anyone is making the most of their meal plan, it’s you. Forget to splurging on grocery store goodies, you’ve got saving down to a science. Napkin-wrapped bagels and paper cups full of cheerios are your specialties, because who wants to pay extra for their treats? The joy you get from stashing free tea bags and smuggling them back to your room is frankly incomparable, and you even go as far as calling it “stealing” because that’s probably the most rebellious thing you’ve done all week. With these crazy prices, you definitely deserve some pre-snooze snacks.
You’re that one person doing laundry on a Saturday night.
Forget booze that tastes like strawberries, you’ve got fabric softener more magical than dancing unicorns in the sky—and you’re not afraid to use it. Folding is your forte, and quite honestly, a night spent alone in the laundry room surpasses any college party. Your practical side applauds the efficiency of doing your chores when no one else is around because the only noise you want to hear at this ungodly hour of the night is the melodious whir of the washing machine. Sure, your ritual is occasionally interrupted by the sounds of abrasive laughter and incoherent speech, but it only makes you more grateful that you’re putting your precious time to good use.
You find yourself constantly complaining about “the youths.”
You’re probably still wondering who Fetty Wap is and what it means to be “on fleek,” because you just can’t be bothered to keep up with all these ever-changing trends. You’d much rather spend some down time on the silent floor of the library than staying in your room and listening to your rowdy hall mates frolicking past sunset. You’re one step closer to reaching enlightenment every time quiet hours officially commence and prepare yourself for battle whenever you hear interaction occurring. You may even get distracted dreaming of all the different ways you can passively-aggressively scold your neighbors for being too loud.
You’re in your pajamas by 7 o'clock.
Club meetings at 8? Campus activities at 10? What is this savage lifestyle we call “college”? You speed through your dinner knowing that upon your return, you can change into your cozy PJs and call it a night. You may be borderline embarrassed when you go to the bathroom in your bunny slippers and run into a group of girls in their stripper heels, but it’s worth the looks of judgment.
You’ve surpassed your role as “mom” of the friend group.
There may have been a time when you were that friend who made sure everyone ate their vegetables and gave all of the great advice—but those days are gone. You have reached a new level of handing out mints during class, making sure your friends wear sweaters when they go out, and encouraging everyone to grab that piece of cake because they deserve to treat themselves.
That’s not to say you aren’t constantly checking up on your pals, but you’ve learned to knit them tea cozies instead of asking about their grades. Needless to say, your old lady habits are what make you the gem of your squad, and your friends wouldn’t be the same without you cheering them on.
