It's so hard to lose a parent when your so young. Nothing in the world can prepare you for this moment. I remember the night I received the phone call just like it was yesterday. It was January, 24, 2016 at exactly 11:00 P.M. I was lying in bed and saw the phone light up with my brother’s name on it. In that moment I knew that this was it, this was the phone call I was dreading to receive. I just sat there and I let it ring. I was tossing and turning all night thinking about that phone call I didn’t answer. The next morning I went to school staring at my phone trying to get myself to call my brother back. I finally made myself call, my brother answered and said, “Hey Jess, Dad passed away last night at 11:00.” Then I lost it. I knew what to expect, but I just wasn’t ready. I wasn't ready to let go of the fact that my daddy was gone. I just couldn't do it.
That day I started to realize, my dad has been gone for a long time. When I was 9-years-old my dad started developing Aphasia which is a type of Dementia. At that age I didn't really realize what was going on, but as I got older he was changing and I started to understand my dad was sick. I went to doctor appointments with him and as they spoke the words "There is nothing we can do to help your Father." My heart shattered. He was my everything and I knew I was going to lose him.
As I grew up, I went to see my Dad in a Alzheimer's and Dementia home in Kansas City. Every time I went and saw him you could see he was getting worse. He spoke less and less every time I was there, until he couldn't speak at all. I was twelve years old the last time I heard my Father's voice. He might of not spoke words, but the one thing I could hear was his laugh, all he did was laugh. I loved his laugh. Every time he would laugh, I would smile. Everything anyone would say to him he would just laugh. Eventually he laughed less and less and then he stopped eating and drinking, his body just shut down and he passed away, he was gone just like that. My daddy was gone.
It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with my whole life. I would do anything to go back and tell him the things I should've told him before he was gone. That is something I am going to have to live with the rest of my life. Before you lose anyone, make sure they know everything you want them to. Don't take your loved ones for granted, because they could be gone in seconds.
I'm finishing by saying, Dementia is a terrible thing. I would never want anyone to go through what my Father did or even what I went through having to watch him slip away little by little, but things like this happen and there is nothing we can do about it. Yes, it is hard living without my Dad, but I know he is in a much better place now. He has no more pain or suffering. I know he's watching over me and knowing that he is, it's the best feeling in the world. I have finally accepted what has happened to my Father and moved on. Just because I've moved on doesn't mean I've forgotten him, it means I moved through this tough part of my life and I can now focus on my future knowing he would be proud of me for getting through this.
