What It's Like Living With An Insulin Disorder
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

What It's Like Living With An Insulin Disorder

And how it's impacted my life

47
What It's Like Living With An Insulin Disorder
Slmaonline

Sometimes we take other people’s opinions dangerously to heart.

I have always been a light eater. I eat my three meals a day, usually a snack, and I drink water. I dislike the taste of carbonated drinks, and other than lemonade or orange juice, I stick to primarily water. I am relatively active--usually working out three to five days a week. I have played softball and trained for it for a few years. But for almost seven or eight years, I have been unable to lose weight.

Growing up, I didn’t really notice it. Not until I was in eighth grade did I really start to notice my weight. I always found myself pretty--plain, maybe, but pretty. I was fair skinned, average height, my two front teeth slightly crooked, blonde hair that was wildly curly, hazel eyes from my grandfather that changed depending on the weather to green or more of a blue. I considered myself average.

I’ve always been bubbly--loud and talkative--but most people consider me to be kind, funny, perhaps slightly introverted at times, but I do enjoy spending time with those I love. And for most of my life, comments about my weight or my size or even my beauty went relatively unnoticed by me, or perhaps, they simply weren’t made. I was seen more than a dress size or a number on a scale. But on the inside? On the inside, I really didn’t like much about myself.

In sixth grade, I was referred to an endocrinologist--and for those who are unfamiliar with that kind of doctor, they specialize in your endocrine system, which consists of insulin and thyroids and diabetes and essentially your body’s metabolic system. The endocrinologist sent me for a blood panel, diagnosed me with hypothyroidism, and started me on experimental diets and pills and medicines. Not only was I reduced to almost twenty-carbohydrates a day (to put it in perspective, most people should consume between 225 and 335 a day in a 2000 cal diet). I was given experimental shots. I felt, at ten years old, like the only thing that could define me was a number on a scale.

And when the treatments didn’t work, up until mid-seventh grade (when girls are most impressionable) and when they hurt (some really hurt), I was sent to another doctor, who gave me a different diagnosis--hyperinsulenemia, which translates essentially to, pre-diabetes. But it didn’t make sense. I didn’t display the signs of a diabetic. I was healthy. I worked hard. I was routinely working out. I ate like a bird. I saw this doctor until my freshman year, and my mental image of myself deteriorated.

My confidence faded. I lost sight of the young woman I had always wanted to be. I became obsessed with a scale. I became obsessed with counting calories and carbohydrates. I would make plans and give up, realizing that nothing made a difference. At fifteen years old, my world felt constricted to a scale, a calorie counting app, and my disorder (which seemed to change from doctor to doctor).

From my sophomore year to late junior year, I ceased treatments all together. I don’t know exactly how to put the feeling into words. Perhaps ‘hopeless’ or maybe it was just disinterest, but I couldn’t stand to look at the scale, the pills, the diets that made me want to vomit and pass out all at the same time. My parents were trying to keep my spirits up, but it’s hard to want to wake up everyday when you hate the person you are looking at. It’s sad that I felt that way, yes, but it was true at the time. I hated the person that stared back at me in the mirror.

And then, a miracle happened. In November, I met a doctor who took a look. I had a full blood panel done, a scan of my thyroid, and was given a glucose test. And what they found was something no other doctor had even considered. I have a hormone issue. My metabolism acts like that of a 90 year old woman. It runs slower than molasses rolling off an oak. And my insulin with fasting was at .75, when it should be between .2 and .25. My doctor started me on a new medication paired with an old, and suddenly, I began to lose weight.

It wasn’t big changes--little ones. I noticed it in my face, my arms, my stomach. Slowly pounds began to roll off. And my confidence, began to come back. This resurgence of hope is also hard to describe, realizing that I could do this. That I could take my life back. That I could get healthy and happy and I would be able to become the woman I have always wanted to be. That is an empowering feeling.

I am sitting in my new dorm room, coming back from a dinner that I spent with friends who laughed with me, who made me feel loved and supported and I truly could appreciate that love and support. My cheeks are tight from laughing and smiling. I don’t care that my laugh is loud. Or that I chatter on. Or that some of my stories are weird. I am embarking on a new life. And I have never been more proud of that life. And to the boy who referred to me as ‘the heavier, annoying one’, I suppose you are right, but I’m more than a number on a scale. And I have enough positive energy inside of me and around me to shatter any glass ceiling I had ever set for myself, including the one you set for me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

To My Fellow Girls With Resting B**** Face

A letter to my friends with RBF about understanding your own face and helping others deal with it.

376
Jupe du Jour

To the girl with resting b**** face:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Boyfriends Of The 2000s

Thank you, J14, for the Posters

2892
J14 magazine

Every girl remembers her first crush. Even if your first crush was the boy in your kindergarten class that ate crayons, your first true love will always be the one that holds the key to your heart. Growing up in the 2000s, everyone knew who your dream guy was. Your family probably still give you grief and your best friends probably still reminisce, so it is impossible to forget your first celebrity crush. You bought a Tiger Beat magazine every chance you could just to read up about what your favorite celebrity was doing. Your room was fully decorated with posters of them, and it wasn't unusual to have fights with your best friends over who was going to marry him. If you were a 90's baby, lucky you because the 2000s were full of boys that were easy to love. I hope you enjoy a walk down memory lane and quickly realize that Bieber was definitely not the first guy with that hair cut. Here are 15 90's baby's first boyfriends.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

20 Things I Learned By The Start of My 20s

No one expects you to have your life together by the time you're 20, because honestly, they didn't either.

14025
Allyson Foutty

We are all often faced with many life challenges throughout the time leading up to our 20s. Before this time, and throughout it, we often look back at the things we've learned and how they've influenced who we are as people today. Some of my biggest influences were some of the challenges I've faced, but they've taught me 20 important things by the start of my 20s.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Boyfriend Recipe

The ingredients to build a relationship are a little more complicated than just a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy.

11410

Relationships. Long distance or not, significant others are much more than just that. I would be lying if I said I did not love the sweet gestures that only a boyfriend can give. The flowers, funny phone calls, hand holding, breakfast dates, and tight hugs are special but my relationship and many others out there exist on much more than just these little gestures. It is a tricky concoction that consists of one part boyfriend and two parts best friend and would not work without one part or the other. While having a relationship may not be quite as easy as baking a batch of cookies, it has its own recipe (with a few variations for flavor) to follow for a good match.

Keep Reading... Show less
google images

Fashion just keeps growing and changing and old trends are made new! Now, I'm no beauty guru, just a beauty guru wannabe, but personally I have compiled some stylish wardrobe must haves! These can be cute assets to go back to school or just to catch up on some of the latest trends...

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments