It's 12:00 a.m. on a school night. You are laying in bed, attempting to fall asleep. All of a sudden, the worries you have flood your mind and cause you to over-analyze every situation. Even if something is going well in your life, your brain reminds you all of the things that could go wrong. Your heart is pounding. You feel like screaming at the top of your lungs. You want these thoughts to go away, but they won't. They occupy your mind, forcing you to stay awake the majority of the night.
The next day, you wake up at 7:00 a.m. for your 8:00 a.m. class. You get ready and go to class without any worries. After class, you go back to your apartment and check your agenda for what assignments you have for the week. Once you see the number of endless tasks you need to accomplish, you start freaking out. Last night's nightmare is back. You try to get your mind off of your worries, but they control your mind just like they did the night before. A part of you wants to crawl into a hole and die. You wish you didn't have to deal with this.
For most of my life, I have struggled with this monster known as anxiety. It has occupied my mind and filled it with endless worries and thoughts. Whenever I am enjoying my life, my anxiety manages to remind me of the worst-case scenario of every situation.
One time, I remember wanting to talk to a friend about a situation going on in my life. Even though I am really close with her, I grew anxious as I was dialing her number. I was scared of what she would say about what I had to tell her. Because of this, I decided not to call her.
Another time, I was studying for a big exam I had in my most challenging class last semester. At the beginning of my study session, I didn't completely understand a small part of the material. This drove me insane. I started to shake and cry because I was worried that I wouldn't do well on this exam, get a good grade in the class, and get into graduate school.
Despite this illness, I try hard not to let it define me. I have accomplished many amazing things, am surrounded by great friends, and have effectively dealt with any obstacle I've faced in my life. This is important to keep in mind when you are struggling with anxiety. There have been times when I've felt helpless and alone because of my anxiety. However, I always have friends and family members by my side assuring me that everything will be okay.
My anxiety has helped me grow into a stronger person. After every anxiety attack, I realize that the things I am worrying about are out of my control. Instead of thinking about what could go wrong, I tell myself to think about what could go right.
Even though having anxiety has put a burden on my life, I've learned that how I deal with it defines who I am.
