If I didn't love this kid with everything in me, I probably would have left by now because dating a guy from a small town is not my favorite thing.
Most of my boyfriends-before my current one-were from other cities or states. It was actually great. I didn't know any of their ex girlfriends, and I didn't have any idea of what they were like through other people I knew.
I got to get to know them and form my own best judgment, which is something I personally enjoyed about starting new relationships.
Before dating my current boyfriend of two years, I found out a bunch of little things about him.
Some true, some not.
If you could have asked me what was my one hesitation on dating this guy, it would have been from everyone else already knowing him more than I did. I felt like no matter how long I got to know him and really see what he was about, someone else still knew him better than me.
Chances are that person was somehow either a distant cousin of mine, or an ex boyfriend of one of my best friend's, but regardless, none of it made that mess any more or less pleasant. To me, it was just a learning experience of how to adjust to a new kind of dating.
You're ultimately left with a decision. To either look past the little birds chirping about your new man's ex's, past girl's he once talked to (even if it was once a friend of yours) and the teachers who couldn't tell you enough what a class clown he was in middle school.
You have to choose whether or not you want to look past all of it, and if you don't? Well then you don't. I can't sit here and judge anyone for deciding against it. Deciding against it for me would have been the easier choice, but love isn't easy to me-never has been. I know giving up this man would have been harder to deal with than the small town people gossiping on the news you two are now an item.
You can't ever go out to a bar, restaurant, or party without running into someone BOTH of you has most likely talked to, hooked up with, or had feelings for. So you both are put in these situations where you're feeling unconformable and irritated for having to be around others you'd rather never see again.
What's even more unfortunate than that is that even when you think you've learned all there is to know about the guy or girl you've been with, that doesn't stop them from seeing a random guy or gal from back in high school whom you kinda forgot to mention.
-whoops.
It's freaking hard. I hate seeing the other girls, I hate envisioning what his life looked like before I was in it. And what sucks? That's even easier to do when the past is literally sitting right in front of you drinking a cranberry and vodka.
I wish I could be one of those girls that didn't cringe when they hear stories from their boyfriend's friends about all the crazy hookups they had back in the days. I wish I could let it roll off my shoulders, and force a smile.
But that's just not me.
Maybe I'm not mature enough, or maybe I'm too selfish. I just like to think of myself as someone different to him now. Hearing stories about other girls from his past occasionally makes me feel like I'm not. Especially when 90% of those girls are ones I've once talked to or have had some sort of experience with-good or bad.
I don't want to be another hometown girl, I want to be his last girl.
The thing is, everyone has a past. I have to remind myself of this rather frequently because I think sometimes I choose not to actually hear it.
I have a past-whether that's in my hometown or not. My mom has a past, my dad, my grandma..even my neighbor down the road does-we all do.
If we choose not to love someone because we want to avoid uncomfortable situations at all cost, think of how much we'd miss out on.
If I would have walked away the first time I heard about my boyfriend's ex's, or heard he gets "bored too easily", or left when I had to go to a party with 3 girl's he use to talk to, I would have missed out on a lot. I would have missed out on the experience to flip a home together. I would have missed out on our spontaneous road trips and late night Netflix marathons. I would have lost the experience of seeing what falling in love was all about, and I can't help but be annoyed with myself for ever thinking missing out on all of this would have been the least bit justified.
It's not all easy. Even after two years there are things I still struggle hard with. I can tell you that it's worth it though. If I could give any advice to anyone considering dating a guy from your home town..
Learn to love him based on what you discover.
Don't let others' opinions or judgements defer you from what you've actually learned.
I can't tell you how much my relationship has grown with the man I love ever since I listened to my self over others.
It's pretty great actually.
So to the hometown where I met my soulmate, thanks. I kind of owe you one.
