Disclaimer: I am blessed to have met and become friends with so many different and eclectic people. I really do love each and every person that I have crossed paths with and I don't mean what you’re about to read in a negative or resentful way.
But, maybe that's my problem. Loving everyone the same no matter how much or little they do for me. Within my plethora of different friend groups there's chit chat, fun times and countless social media tags. Simply put it’s just not what I crave anymore. My life looks great on electronics. I'm in countless pictures and group chats, but in a world where I include myself in everything I feel isolated and misunderstood most of the time. This past post-grad year I have realized what I'm looking for is exactly what I have pushed away. Depth, intimacy and intriguing conversation that doesn’t require a blunt or a boozy drink. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way, but when I get in the depths of my wants and needs and compare it to the superficiality of what I have made my social life it's hard to clear the fog and see the genuineness in it. Here are some things that I have realized happen when you are everyone’s friend.
1. You are not prioritized
It’s hard hearing that friends are getting together without you. You take it more personally than you should. They don’t mean to, but you’re just not on the top of their list to text randomly or go shopping with. Your friendship is legit, but not enough to hangout one on one.
2. You feel that you have to make more of an effort
For the past few years I have turned myself into a huge people pleaser. I would and will do anything for anyone no matter how close the connection is. I am realizing that’s because of an insecurity of mine to want people to like me. Not all things I do are done with this intention, but at times I push my well being just to put a smile on someone’s face and that’s not okay, especially when they don’t think as highly about me.
3. Friendships might mean more to you then to them
Who you call a close friend might think of you as a super friendly acquaintance that already has her bridesmaids picked out with no intention of you standing at the altar with them. The friend you go on Tuesday lunch dates with might have a Wednesday and Monday date as well. You value this friendship because it might the deepest connection you have at the moment while they can depend on other friends and just need a pal to occupy an hour a week of their life.
In a world where the more you surround yourself with people the lonelier you become there are some upsides to being everyone's friend.
4. Know you are loved
Total 180 I know, but it’s true. You are so very loved. You are are accepting, adaptable, relatable and charismatic. You can walk into a room and talk about virtually anything. People enjoy your presence and the time you spend together. It’s just that there’s always the “Let’s hang out together soon!” that does not always happen at the end.
5. Less drama
I rarely know what is going on aside the big action. I don’t have to hear the pettiness every ten seconds and can enjoy people as they are when I see them without feeling uncomfortable because of what they did to a friend a few weeks ago.
6. Do not be afraid of change
It’s one of those things that are easier said than done. Your group will come and go, just like everything. The good thing is if you are everyone’s friend, you will realize with time you are not as attached to everyone as you think you are. This will give you a chance to go where you want to go and do what you want to do. Within those self-serving moments you can work on closer intimate friendships.
Do not feel that you are superficial, fake or foolish for being everyone’s friend. It is a blessing and a curse. It is a defense mechanism to keep yourself safe from revealing uncertain parts about you. The good news is that if you are feeling uncomfortable and are seeking quality than quantity that means you are evolving. If you have been feeling this way you do not have to cut off your friends now either. It’s your life and you can do what you please.
On the other hand, just because you are everyone’s friend does not mean that you do not deserve a few people you consider a tight knit support system. In a world where we value likes more than personal interaction it’s no wonder why I or many others feel this way. So do the selfish thing and prioritize people who are there for you as much as you are there for them. You deserve to receive the attention you give whether you decide to stay in your array of friendships or go off in search of stronger connections.
