As contemporary women we are told a lot of things. I’m not just talking about everything that was once driven into our heads: We should be sweet, nice, pretty things, sitting gently and quietly for others to marvel at and observe. Daily on social media we are bombarded with a whole new set of expectations: We must love ourselves, we must push ourselves, and most importantly we must be strong. These are wonderful goals, but they are ambiguous and not easily defined.

So what does it mean to be a strong woman? I can recognize one when I see one—there are countless examples. Many of these amazing, strong women seem almost like goddesses though, like impossibly formed beings which we, ordinary women, could never become.

Sometimes you have to look just a bit closer to home to find what you need to find.

My mother is a strong woman. She is fiercely loving, incredibly intelligent, and kind. She has powered her way through fearful circumstances, traveled across oceans, and suffered through terrible pain, all the while becoming more solid in her strength. She has helped and guided my brother and me through so many years. She has given everything for us. We have wanted for nothing, and she has worked tirelessly for our happiness.

At the same time, my mother has pushed herself in all other areas of life. She has managed to achieve things that many others view as impossible in our nation. Her ambition and focus are inspiring. She never stops working to see that she can go as far as she can and to see if she can achieve her dreams.

Lately I have been questioning my strength. I have been questioning who I am and to what extent I should show who I am. I have been questioning the validity of my opinions and the validity of my actions.

My mother came to my rescue.

She reminded me of who I am: an intelligent, strong young woman. My opinions, my feelings, and my actions are all valid expressions of myself. My decisions may not always be the best, but it does not mean they are the worst or entirely incorrect. I am still learning and growing, and that’s OK.

I think that that is what it means to be a strong woman.

To be strong you must see in yourself the strength that is already contained there. You must allow it to manifest itself. You are intelligent. You are kind. You are interesting. You are clever. Recognize that you are all of these things and more. Recognize the you that is you in every moment and own it—always remember that what you think and feel about yourself and the world around you is valid. Don’t let anyone tell you that it is not.

But being a strong woman means allowing yourself to grow and working towards improving. Validity does exactly mean correctness. Being strong means that you can recognize that what you felt or did at the time may or may not have been the best and that you can alter your feelings or actions in the next similar situation accordingly to do better. Personally I think that this is one of the most important aspects of a strong woman. How can your inner strength truly be manifested if it is not given the chance to fully develop? You are an ever-changing individual. It’s OK to feel one way and then another. It’s OK to change your mind.

Allow yourself to see who you are. Allow yourself to develop. Allow yourself to be strong. It’s not impossible.