People throw around the word damaged a lot—“I am damaged, that’s why I act like this.” But what does it even really mean to be damaged? To truly have been changed so much internally by events in your life that you will never be the same again? To make decisions and judgements based on people from your past? Well, I’ll tell you.
Being “damaged” isn’t an excuse, it's something that we have to live with every single day of your life. We didn't choose to have inconveniences, like being cheated on or used, be a part of our life.
Every time that something bad has happened to us—something unimaginable, something that is hard to put into words when people ask us why we are the way we are—we lost a piece of ourselves. We lost our innocence, our excitement for a new guy/girl in our life, our hope for someone to ever truly understand us.
People don’t understand that it takes time to heal. They seem to expect that we should just be ok, or that we shouldn’t be so defensive, or that we shouldn’t put walls up when we like someone. Don't you wish it were that easy?
When you have been hurt so badly in the past it doesn’t work like that. Nope. Instead, when we like someone we worry whether he/she will leave, or we question their intentions because we have continuously been screwed over.
We assume they are there for the wrong reasons and pray that they prove me wrong…but really this becomes misinterpreted as not being interested and they leave too quickly to ever figure us out.
Being damaged isn’t a death sentence, and life could be way worse, but we have been changed in such a way that we struggle with sadness and confusion daily.
When horrible things continuously happen you begin to feel ashamed. You feel like it is your fault. You tell yourself, “Well, if I had been nicer than he wouldn’t have had sex with that other girl,” or “If I had worn more clothes that night than he wouldn't have come onto me so strong” But then you realize that it wasn’t your fault because those will never be excusable actions.When you finally get the courage to talk about your struggles you start to realize you aren’t alone.
There are other men and women who have been silenced by shame. You realize that they understand you and all starts to feel right with the world when you can talk about your past and not be ridiculed.
Once time has begun to heal then it becomes a choice to let your past define you. It becomes a choice to overcome those atrocities and use them for good; use them to help other people or even help yourself. They are not events that should be forgotten, but instead, they should be remembered in a way where they empower you to become stronger and more resilient.
They should empower you, they should never define you.