Where do I even begin. Well first, I would like to say "hello" to the person reading this. My name is Toni Lynn. I am 21-years old and I have an anxiety problem.
Sometimes I feel like my anxiety takes over my whole body to where I don't even want to leave my house. My mind starts racing into a million different thoughts and directions and it gets to a point where I just shut down. I won't be able to eat or even focus on a simple task like getting out of bed. When my anxiety attacks are really bad, I sit in my room all day with the door closed, listening to ColdPlay and just crying my eyes out until I fall asleep.
During my anxiety attacks, I can't really talk to anyone right away about why it happened. I just need time to be calm and talk about what happened.
What I hate more than anything is when people ask me "what's wrong" right after my anxiety attack. It makes me even more nervous. I can't control when my attacks happen or for how long they occur'. When I am having a panic attack, I can't eat or sleep and the after math of the attack doesn't leave me or a while. I need a distraction away from my own thoughts so that I don't just sit in my room and cry or have my chest pound against me.
My personality is hard to explain. I am the type of person that will go out of my way for anyone and put others before myself, which is something that I shouldn't do all the time. I always try and please the people that I can, but sometimes I get myself to a point where I get nervous. I always ask, "Are you mad at me?" and "Did I do something wrong?" when I know the answer is always no. This gets to a point where it bothers people and they run away. When someone has anxiety, they need to be reassured that everything is going to be ok, and I guess all the time I look for that reassurance. During these attacks, all I need is a hug and for someone to just let me cry all my feelings out with them.
My anxiety has played a huge impact in my life and not in a good way. My anxiety brought me to lose an unhealthy amount weight, lose friendships, and also made me lose myself. I try so hard to dig myself out of my hole and get better, but it isn't easy. My mind spirals out of control and my thoughts take over my actions, I can't find myself.
To anyone reading this with anxiety or anyone who relates, anxiety is not a form of attention. Trust me, that's the last thing I want to draw towards myself. Anxiety is serious and is very common around most college students. Just know that it is ok to ask for help to get better. Don't be me who doesn't listen to their own advice.
