I still see her to this day. Every time I go to the apartment I see her sitting there playing with a deck of cards at the dinning room table. She’s comfortable. In fact, that was her favorite place I think, to be around that table and hear about your day. It’s funny how the dead still can seem living. Like the memory of them is imprinted the same place you left it and where it always has been. A lot of people do not like going to places that remind them of someone close that passed away but I am the opposite. I feel a sense of comfort within those 4 walls, hands pressed to the dinning room table, reading over her old shopping lists. Eggs, milk, bread. It all was right there. She was there, in cursive. I can still hear her asking how work and school were going? She always seemed a bit worried that I was working too hard. She would listen though to my rambling and all that I was going through. Although sometimes I felt she never understood just her presence made me feel better. Every time I step foot in that apartment I still think she will be sitting at that table. But she is not. I go into her room and her puzzles are put away, her clothes gone, but I still see her hand held old antique mirror that has sat on her stand since I could remember.
Pictures of all he grandkids are still in place and intact. She physically left but her soul still remained. It’s hard to talk about the dead. We can never give them enough credit I think. I cannot explain the respect and love I had for my grandmother. She was the light of my life. She was what grandmother should be. Tender, warm, caring, attentive, and kind. I remember on Sundays when I was much younger I would go to bingo with her. The chips, her smile, and her always-yelling bingo. I still remember her making me dinner and saying “you’re not eating enough!”
She would always leave a couple bucks in my pocket when I wasn’t looking and swore she had no idea. Every time I see a red cardinal I think of her, Vibrant, beautiful and free. She was a big inspiration in my life to be a better person. She was my driving source. I will forever miss her big, bright eyes, her smile, her advice, and her laughs. As of right now both sets of my grandparents are deceased besides my one grandfather. My advice to people still lucky enough to have theirs is to cherish them.
Spend moments with them so when you go back to the place they left you its nothing but joy. As I continue life without my grandma it pains me knowing she’ll never be there to talk to or to give “worlds best grandma” shirts to her, but I know she is always there in spirit. As I leave the apartment I think of my childhood, my youth, and the future. My grandmother gives me confidence to live life and be wise in with whatever I do. To always lend a helping hand to those in need, and to live each day like it is your last. If I ever have kids one day I hope to pass along to them traditions, memories, recipes, all that she has taught me. When I am cooking I will think of her. I will teach my kids the infamous and best, grandmas mashed potatoes that everyone knows and loves. But lets face it, it will never be grandma's.
