Have you ever had those great friends when you graduate from high school? Like those four or five great people you are sure will always be your friends, and you leave your hometown never wondering whether they’ll be your friends when Thanksgiving break rolls around? Have you made great friends in college that take up your time, even the time you don’t have? Have you had a great core group of people that you know will always have your back no matter what? Yeah, them.
Think about them; what is one thing you never have to doubt about any of them? What does being a good friend mean once you get to college? What happens when every waking hour is taken up by everything else that friends get trodden on and forgotten? What does it mean to be a true friend in college?
I have found that for all the good intentions of people, sooner or later, the word “friend” can mean someone you spend all your free time with, or someone you see in passing that you wave at. But is that friendship?
Many people I have spoken to have differing opinions about what friendship entails. In many cases, there is a level of giving and taking on both sides; a sort of shared interest in the same sort of things or in each other. But also, friendship evolves from circumstance and who is doing homework at the same time, or who has lunch hour free; convenience friends, if you will. Think about that; are the people you eat lunch with the same people you hang out with, or would choose to see on your free time (if you have any)? Or do you hang out with them because, hey, they’re not bad and they tolerate me (thank you for that).
Merriam Webster defines a “friend” as 1) one attached to another by affection or esteem; acquaintance, 2) one that is not hostile; one that is of the same nation, party, or group, 3) one that favors or promotes something (as a charity), 4) a favored companion, or 5) capitalized: a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker. I think when most of us think of a friend, we think of 1 and 4 most prominently when we speak about friends and friendships. That is, one with whom we are close by affection/esteem, and a favored companion. I think this is very true, when I say “she’s my friend” or “he’s a great friend,” I mean someone I am close to or someone I value in terms of their company or personality; I find them fun and/or fulfilling as a part of my life. I hope they could say the same for me.
But the media has changed what friendship means. Nowadays, everyone better be friends with everyone, otherwise feelings will get hurt and no one will be happy. But that is not friendship. Today, kids are taught to give everyone the same thing; give everyone an invitation and include everyone, even who you don’t like. We feel a responsibility to those we don’t like to make sure they are okay; we want them to be okay, but we don’t want to be friends with them. But isn’t that worse? Everyone can tell when they’re not wanted at a certain place or a certain time, so isn’t pretending to like them even worse? On Facebook, who you’re “friends” with is often just a person you met once or twice in passing, or your second cousin who has a cooler life than you. The word “friend” has been enormously mistreated and used so much that even the “friend zone” is a bad thing, when being someone’s friend is a beautiful thing, and you become a trusted individual to that person. Yet today’s connotations have made friendship something bad, or a second place option for guys and girls trying to date someone. But being someone’s friend is a great thing.
When we think of friends, we should think of who we know and love hanging out with. We should understand that not everyone has time for everything; there are events and other people that take up our time. But we should also recognize friendship as a great thing that not everyone is lucky enough to have. Being friends is an honor, and should be treated as one.
If I think about it, the friends that began as convenient this year are actually the best people ever. And I do hang out with them on the daily and on the weekend. Along with that, my schedule this year allows me to put in the effort to maintain relationships with those that I don’t see that much. I really like the fact that sophomore year has taught me about intentional friendships and meaningful connections with people.
To all my peeps at home; you absolutely are the best, you always understand when I have too much on my plate to talk or not enough time to send a birthday card on time. Thanks for being down to hang out and accepting the fact that I have other friends and that the term “best friend” applies to a lot of people now. Our circles have broadened, but our bonds have deepened.
To all my friends near and far: thank you. You are so valued and loved. When I call you my friend, I mean it. You are special. Thank you.
