Meeting genuine people who I consider to be friends of mine has always been a selective process. Not necessarily because I'm a picky person, but because I have a genuinely hard time trusting people. I definitely consider myself to be a "people-person," I'm a great listener and communicator, and I apply those same personal qualities to the friendships I make. In return, I don't ask for much. I ask for loyalty, honesty, someone to laugh with, and someone who will also listen and genuinely care about what's going on in my life as much as I care about and listen to what's going on in their own life.

In my life so far, I have had so many different friends. In middle school, my friendships were pretty much just about surviving through my awkward phase, and joining with other girls in that same phase too so we didn't feel so badly about ourselves. We had fun though; we went shopping, to the movies, had sleepovers, the usual drill. Growing into a high school and college student, I started to realize that friendship was more than just about "not being alone." A friend is somebody you can trust, who you can tell all of your deepest darkest secrets to, someone who will know how to cheer you up when you're sad, and someone that you can do those very same things for because you genuinely appreciate and respect one another. No matter how close your friendship is; whether you consider yourselves to be best friends, friends, or just someone you like to hang out with from time to time, these things still apply.

I definitely had one friend, though, who turned out to not really be my friend at the end of the day. When we met, we "clicked," and genuinely liked each other. I saw qualities in her that I genuinely admired, and these were also qualities I hold dear within my own friendships. She was funny, caring, a listener, always willing to hang out or get me to go out if I was feeling down. She was someone who, although struggled with some personal issues of her own, seemed to know how to put a smile on her face. And so, we became friends. Her door was always open for me to come in, as was mine. Our friendship consisted of hanging out in my room, going into town for shopping, and always talking and listening to each other. This friendship, though, didn't last as long as I once hoped it might.

This girl became sneaky, self interested, and a liar. In my most vulnerable and hurt moments, she was not there to comfort me like I once had for her in her times of insecurity and self doubt. I began to think to myself, "Was it something I did? Why is she doing this?" It hurt me beyond belief that someone I trusted and considered my friend could be this way to me, when I had done nothing to hurt her. As time went on though, I came to realize that none of these things she did really had to do with me in the first place. These were all issues that she had with herself, it was her insecurities that consumed her.

But that's the thing about friendships, they come and go. Life moves on, and everyone is at a different place in their own lives. Some people have issues they need to deal with on their own before they can find true friends, some people are at a place in life where their friendships are what gets them out of bed in the morning, and some people prefer their independence, and all of these things are OK. Some friendships come and go, and some remain forever. I have experienced both in my life so far.

So to the girl who I thought was my friend, but as it turns out, was not: I forgive you. I wish you the best in your life and I hope that you can grow as a person and eventually find a love in yourself; because that is crucial before you can go on to find a love for someone else, whether it be a friend or a boyfriend. Life moves on, and stay true to the people you consider to be your own friends. Because friendships are the relationships that really matter above everything else; but again, love yourself first.