Growing up I never really considered my self lovable. I didn't understand why people wanted to be around me and enjoy being with me. Why me? I never understood what being a friend really meant.
In high school I wasn't the popular girl who was surrounded by others laughing and going to parties. I wasn't an athlete or even talented. I was just ordinary. Nothing about me stood out. I wasn't smart, funny or even pretty. But for some reason a few people stood by my side throughout high school.
But what really is a friend? Now, I am slowly learning that just being nice doesn't make you a friend. Yeah, we can have a good time together, but will you be there when I need you the most? Will you say "hey she needs help I probably should talk to her." Will you text me first asking me to hang out? Or will I be the one constantly reaching out to you?
It's truly confusing because the people I thought were my friends slowly became someone who I thought they were not: self centered and ignorant. So to me what is a friend? A friend to me is someone who will help me. Will encourage me to move forward and will listen to my stories and problems. A friend is not someone who will only talk to me when they need something or bring me down because they want to feel superior to me.
Personally, I think you don't need to have a thousand friends to feel loved. Just find two or three people who make you feel like gold. Surround yourself with people who will fight for you and make you feel loved. Don't poison yourself with people who bring you down constantly it's not worth the time.
Throughout your life you will learn that not everyone is a friend. You may have been best friends with someone during high school but after that who knows what will happen. Everyone moves away and moves on. It's part of life. But if you're lucky like me you will have a small group of people who will be there for you.
After I graduate from college I will be moving away. In fact I will be moving to Hawaii to go to graduate school and finally be happy. However the only thing I will truly miss is my friendship with my group. Yes, I will try my best to keep in touch through FaceTime and texting, however it won't be the same. I'll try my best to get them to visit and perhaps visit them but in the end things will change and that's OK.
I just want to thank my friends for sticking through high school with me. I was a mess but you made me enjoy my time. And now I want to thank them for constantly hanging out with me! It really does make me feel loved.
