Many believe they know exactly what depression is. Depression takes many forms.
Depression is defined as feelings of severe despondency and dejection. But let me tell you what depression is to me.
Depression is crying over keys like they are a dead relative.
Depression is knowing how crazy you are but not being able to stop it.
Depression is falling to the ground because your legs are betraying you.
Depression is getting up in the morning and asking if you can just go back to bed.
Depression is having so much to do but not wanting to do any of it.
Depression is going back and forth between all the social networks to see if there is anything new or happy on your feed.
Depression is considering buying all new waterproof makeup because you are tired of crying it off. Although, the smarter decision would be to just try to stop crying.
Depression is making a ton of plans but cancelling at the last minute because you really cannot get out of bed.
Depression is when you randomly start crying at work and you get sent home by your boss, (my boss is also my mother).
Depression is being so profoundly sad and having absolutely no idea of why you are sad.
Depression is making sure you go to therapy every week because if you miss one session, you feel more helpless than usual.
Depression is having people tell you that, “You need to choose to be happy,” but knowing that is not an option. Being happy with depression is not that easy.
Depression is only getting out of bed for a few hours for three days straight.
Depression is being able to watch 6 seasons of a show because you have not gotten out of bed.
Depression is noticing a difference in your mood and the general feeling of your body if you miss one dose of medication. Then, if you run out of medication and are basically off it for a month, it can be the worst month of your life.
Depression is trying to explain to people why you have barely moved or done anything in a whole week and them just not understanding.
Depression is not caring about hygiene because you cannot be bothered to get out of bed to shower, brush your teeth, or brush your hair.
Depression is wearing the same clothes for days on end because again, you cannot be bothered to shower or change.
Depression is constantly wanting to do something drastic to your appearance because maybe that will make you happy. I have wanted to shave my head for the longest time.
When you have depression, you may not experience all of these instances. But almost everyone can relate to at least one of these scenarios.
Some of you may think I am being overdramatic.
Some of you may think I am crazy. To be honest, I am crazy. There is a diagnosed chemical imbalance within me. Sometimes I can not help being crazy or not caring.
I am the product of depression and I am not ashamed.
