If you’re anything like me and you don’t keep up with the latest trends in American culture, you probably haven’t heard the term “ghosted” being thrown around either, until as of late. A year ago, I was calling it “he stopped talking to me out of the blue,” but thus, we millennials had to coin a term for that. Here is what this phenomenon is defined as, according to Urban Dictionary: "The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested."

So you meet someone you're interested in, you go on a few dates, maybe more, depending on how much you’re enjoying each other’s presence. You eventually discuss what you’re both looking for, i.e. hook up buddies, a long term relationship, friends with benefits. In my experience, ghosting usually happens right before you’re about to have the “what are we?” talk. Maybe you text them to try to make plans for your next date or just to ask how their day was. But you don’t get a response for a couple hours.

Then it becomes a day.

Then it’s been a week.

A week and a half.

And so on. You get the picture. Basically, you never hear from them again. You literally have your phone on hand at all times, waiting for a text back. After you hit the 24 hour mark, you may wonder if they’re okay, because you typically text all day, sending each other articles to read or funny memes. You begin to slightly panic. What if they met someone else? But either way, deep down, you know that you guys are not an item anymore.

This has clearly happened to me enough times for me to be able to write a lengthy article about it, so here are some pointers for my ladies going through this:

1. It’s not you, it’s him.

We always hear the saying “it’s not you, it’s me,” in rom-coms, but if you got ghosted, you didn’t even have a chance to hear this line being used on you. Being ghosted is a good indicator that the guy you were dealing with is a coward. Basically, if you got ghosted, you dodged a bullet. It may not seem that way at first and it’s totally normal to be sad about it for quite some time, especially if you really started to fall for the person. All girls ever want to know is why, why, why did they get ghosted, what did they do or say wrong? Unless you reconnect with this person down the line (which I don’t suggest) chances are, you’ll never know if you did or said something ‘wrong’ that suddenly, over night, made the person lose interest in you. Whatever happened to make this person disappear, it’s something that happened in their lives, not yours. It’s not your fault that someone didn’t get to experience how amazing it is to be with you. It’s not your fault that someone didn’t see your inner light. It’s truly their loss.

2. Keep the Facebook stalking to a minimum.

The more you look at his Facebook trying to sneak glimpses at the new girl he’s been talking to, the longer it will take to get over him. I understand it hurts when you see another girl tagged in an event that you feel you were supposed to do with him. That was supposed to be you that went pumpkin picking with him, you guys even talked about doing it together! However, that sting is only eased by one thing, and that’s getting off of Facebook and going out and experiencing all the things you’re missing out on by being a CIA level sleuth.

3. Don’t replay history.

I’m guilty of falling into this trap. When someone ghosts me, I go back and replay every conversation, every movement, every text, every kiss. I try to find answers in the past for why they don’t want to see me anymore. Dwelling on the past does no good and the person who ghosted you is not analyzing every interaction you’ve had with each other the way you are. It’s easier to say “just move on” than it is to actually do it. Instead of repeating to yourself to move on, say things like “keep looking forward” or “the future has better things in store for me.”

4. Don’t think you’ll be alone forever.

This is probably the most important one. If you are trapped in this mindset, you’ll never put yourself out there again! And understandably, you may not want to date for a little while. Being ghosted can burn for a bit and you may be guarded and swear off men. You start to remember all the good qualities about the ghoster; how they made you feel special, how respectful they were, their good manners, the “kind you bring home to mom and dad” quality about them. Realize, though, that this ghoster is not the only person on earth who has these qualities.

5. Don’t compare yourself to the new girl.

Your friends are going to tell you that you’re prettier and better than her anyway, so what’s the point of even looking at her social media, desperately trying to find something wrong with her? One day you may end up in a relationship with a guy who’s recently ghosted a girl and you’ll be the one whose flaws are carefully examined. Think about how you’d feel if a girl was pointing out your photographic imperfections all because she’s envious of the guy you’re with.

6. It’s okay to cry.

It’s totally okay to mourn the loss of something that never happened. In fact, I think ghosting can sometimes be more painful than actual breakups. When you’re ghosted, you never get to find out what you and that person could have been. The end of a potential relationship could leave you more confused and heartbroken than the end of an established relationship.

Take it from someone who’s been ghosted more times than they’ve actually been in a relationship, if it was meant to be, you’d be with them. The universe puts you exactly where you’re meant to be at all times. So this one wasn’t your guy. Get back up.