So you met someone and the sparks are flying! You’ve spent time together at least once; you’re friends on all social media and have been texting and face-timing. Maybe you have even kissed! You go Glenn Coco. But, boom all of a sudden things take a weird turn and the dreaded overthinking moment arrives. The questions start rolling through your mind: Should I text her/him again? Why aren’t they responding to me? Did I do something wrong? Things were great, they were totally into me what happened? Etc.
Then you start going over every detail of your time together trying to figure out what you potentially could have screwed up. The next thing you know you have sent six unanswered texts in the last two days and you feel like a psycho. Or they respond with some excuse that is totally reasonable but, due to your over functioning brain you try and find all the possibilities that it might be a lie to show you she/her isn't interested. Next thing you know you're word vomiting all over your screen and pressing the send button faster than you can say “Oh F*#%”.
Yup, it's too late to take those words back now! Then you try and fix it with another text and you reread what you’ve said now realizing you sound like a fifth grader who is a stage five clinger. But you, someone who knows you aren’t a psycho stage five clinger, for some reason overthinking sends your brain into panic mode and the next thing you know is your chance feels long gone and you sink into a terrible mood. Sound familiar to you? Don’t worry, I’ve done this too and I’m here to give you advice that for some reason I can’t seem to take for myself. My alter ego and extreme ladies’ man Yrahcaz (my name backwards for all you geniuses out there) will give you the steps to make sure YOU DON’T BLOW IT.
Here’s how not to blow it when you’re overthinking and in panic mode with that guy/girl you’re really into:
Seriously stop. I don’t care what you’re doing. I don’t care if she/he is halfway across the country and not responding. I don’t care if you had the best time together the other night. I don’t care if you two have kissed or anything. Just stop what you’re doing right now and CHILL. Blowing them up is only going to ruin whatever connection you two made in the first place. STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE. Let her/him do whatever they say they are doing. LET IT BE
2. Distract yourself
Okay, now that you have stepped away from your phone it’s time to go do something, anything. I don’t advise on drinking heavily because you and I both know there’s a 50% chance you’ll text her/him something embarrassing and it's game over after that. Go out to dinner with friends or family and have A DRINK OR TWO not 10. Get a happy buzz and chill out. Go to the gym, hang with friends, do something that you know won’t tempt you to text her/him. Surround yourself with people who you know make you happy most of the time.
3. Stop asking for your lady/guy friend's advice!
Good lord, Zach does this all the time. Every girl/guy is different so asking friends what they would do is useless. Yes, we all have similarities and do agree on a lot. BUT, the point is once you start asking for advice you start to lose yourself. Stick to your gut, unless your gut is saying "I should keep texting her/him until they respond". Stick to what you know! Is he/she a lot like you? Did they just get out of a relationship? Maybe they are scared to like you! Who knows! Stop asking other people what they think because all that matters is what you think and want.
4. THINK POSITIVE
This is easily the hardest one for anyone and I totally get that. Stop thinking that you did something wrong. Throw on some feel good music or some relaxing stuff and chill out. Focus on yourself, not them! Think of it like this; maybe she/he is scared to have feelings toward you. Maybe they just need some time to themselves with family or friends. If you guys serious had a good connection then they will come around. “But, what if they don’t come around?” Shut up! See you’re thinking negatively! If they don’t come around then you throw your Hail Mary pass and walk away. But that’s number 10 so be patient and read on grasshopper.
5. Get Confident, Not Cocky
There is a fine line between confident and cocky. Right now you’re a little down in the dumps because you think you blew it. This goes hand in hand with thinking positive. Throw on some rap music, R&B; whatever gets you in that “I’m the man” or “I’m hot S#@%” mood. This doesn’t mean go out and have a one night stand because you’re awesome and don’t need this other guy/girl. You’ll hate yourselves after and just want this other guy/girl that much more. Get confident and tell yourself you’re the best person for this girl/guy. You know you can treat them right and wont screw them over. Go look in the mirror and repeat after me; “I’m confident, I’m attractive, and I’m a good guy/girl”. Repeat as much as you feel necessary.
Just kidding, this is totally the hardest part. Not having control in a situation us what drives most of us to madness. Well… no offense, but, you kind of put yourself in this situation so time to be patient and let nature take its course. Like I said in number four; if you had a great connection and things were going well, chances are she/he will be in touch. Okay now if it’s been a few days, let’s say 3 days, since your implosion. Now you can slowly reach out… I said SLOWLY!
7. Pretend nothing happened!
Yes, I am dead serious. Pretend that you have selective amnesia! Or, get your alter ego out and just play it cool. “Hey how was your weekend home?” boom, done. Now carry on like you normally would. Snap them A LITTLE, and stop over thinking! I see you right now thinking about the next text you’re going to send. After you send a short to the point text with no nicknames or cute BS; repeat steps one through five. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT double text right now! This is a sensitive case and you’re trying to redeem yourself
8. Did she/he respond?
Did they respond!? If yes then stop reading after this because you’re fine. If you can carry out a regular conversation with him/her then you should be fine. Ask them if they would want hangout sometime this week. If you’re a guy ask her if you can buy her dinner or take her out somewhere. Don’t give up! Be confident and think positive. When I doubt be honest and go with your gut. The idea is to show you’re interested, not insane. What’s that? She/he didn’t respond? Continue reading my depressed friend.
9. Ace in the hole
Yup, it’s time to devise a masterful plan that I like to call “Your Ace in the Hole”. Now you have to be careful here! I assume you haven’t been hanging out or taking for long so flowers or anything on that scale is a huge no. But, this is where you want to make a statement without looking psycho. Looking foolish is fine because that’s what matters of the heart do to you. If you’re like my other half Zach and are the king of cuteness then you should be fine thinking of something. If you’re not that creative, it’s time to get creative. See number 10 for idea example.
10. The Hail Mary Pass
Okay, now that you have your idea (Ace in the Hole) it’s time to act on it and throw up your Hail Mary pass and pray. This is your last move, after this you really can’t do ANYTHING. After this you really can’t text her or anything you have to wait for her/him!
So, you know this person well enough (I hope) to remember some things they like. You’ve spent time together before so time to think. For example, maybe she likes frozen gummy bears like you do. Maybe the first time you spent time together you bought her a slushy at a gas station when she was drunk. Maybe you buy her a bag of gummy bears and make a little handmade card and put it on her car.
In the card, just say something clever like: “You and I are a lot alike; one of the cutest things I remember is you like to freeze your gummies too. I’m a stubborn son of a (blank) who usually doesn’t go out of his/her way to keep making a fool out of himself/herself. But ever since you kissed me in my car, you give me those damn butterflies that I have grown to dread. I wouldn’t keep trying if I didn’t think you were worth the struggle. (This part is if you’re a guy) Can I please try this again? Can I take you out this weekend? I promise you it will be worth it.”
Something corny like that. You have to play all the cards here. The cute, confident, attention paying, sensitive, not too sensitive, guy/girl who really shows interest. Now go put it on his/her car and play the waiting game. If they honestly don’t respond to that at all, then they aren’t worth your time and you can do a lot better. In the end, its better to be honest and upfront.
Take a chance; don’t think about what could go wrong, but what could go right.