What Famous Writers' Tinder Profiles Would Look Like

What Famous Writers' Tinder Profiles Would Look Like

Don't say you've never wondered.
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Tinder, like all social media, has its pros and cons. For a straight teenage girl, pros include screen-shotting straight white males' profiles and sending them to my friends for a good laugh. Cons include... well, basically everything else. But it's an intriguing concept: Online dating, reduced to your name, age, a couple pictures, and a brief bio. How do you sum up a life in so little room? How do you consider a potential partner with such little information?

Regardless, people do it. And profiles are super interesting to look at, to see what exactly people think is important about themselves. Come on, you've definitely wondered before: What would _____'s Tinder profile look like?

I have speculated on famous presidents and celebrities, but no group is more interesting than my favorite writers. What would happen if I was lying on my bed one lazy night swiping away and suddenly, Cormac McCarthy's face flashed across my screen? Would I do the "duh" thing and swipe right? Would I be too shocked to respond? (If I did do the "duh" thing and swipe right, would we match?)

For those of you who have wondered the same, fret not. Check out your favorite authors' profiles below! Too bad you can't actually find out if you matched... let's just assume you would, yeah?

John Steinbeck

Don't tell me Steinbeck wouldn't try to take you hiking on a first date, because we all know he would.

Allen Ginsberg

Ginsberg would so be "that guy" that talks about weed in his profile. You're probably going to want to swipe left, my friend.

C.S. Lewis

Aside from the stereotypical caption, Lewis just might be one of those boys you meet on Tinder that actually warrants a second date. And maybe a third.

Henry Miller

He's definitely cute, and you're pretty desperate, but are you really that desperate?

Ayn Rand

She'd be the only one to promote herself, and she'd be the one we'd all still swipe right on, just in case.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Okay but Fitzgerald is definitely that "bro" that we all secretly swipe right on, as long as he doesn't have any half pics.

Sylvia Plath

We all know that one girl with the really weird bio who still gets a ton of matches because all her pictures are out-of-this-world cute. Yep, that'd be Plath.

Vladimir Nabokov

"Yeah, he's pretentious-sounding, but isn't it romantic?" you croon to your friends after setting up your first date (butterfly hunting in the park, of course) with Nabokov.

E.E. Cummings

Cummings would be one of those guys obviously on Tinder just for sex, but he's cute and seems down-to-earth enough, so what can it hurt, right?

Anaïs Nin

You come across her profile after you've already swiped left on Henry Miller, and everything makes sense.

Virginia Woolf

She's the one you match with but never message—not for any reason, you just forget. And then her profile mysteriously disappears.

Franz Kafka

So what if he's that awkward dude who uses a headshot for his first pic and kinda looks like he's staring into your soul... at least he sounds sweet?

William Faulkner

Faulkner is the one you'd secretly want to take home to your parents, as long as he doesn't own a Confederate flag.


Maybe someday will find Cormac McCarthy on Tinder. (He and his ex-wife split in 2006, so it's not totally out of the picture, right?) But for those who never got to see this speed-dating app come to fruition, we'll just have to guess at what they'd say.

Perhaps living without Tinder made life easier for these writers. I sometimes wonder how wonderful a simple life would be if I wasn't stuck in this horrible circle of deleting and remaking my online profile just so desperate boys will call me cute.

If only all Tinder profiles looked like those above. (Okay, except for maybe Henry Miller — we still love you, but not in that way.) I guess we'll just have to swoon over the possibility of one day matching with the writers of our dreams and in the meantime, keep swiping left on everyone else.

Cover Image Credit: McKinley Catherine Keener

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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15 Thing Only Early 2000's Kids Will Understand

"Get connected for free, with education connection"

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This is it early 2000's babies, a compilation finally made for you. This list is loaded with things that will make you swoon with nostalgia.

1. Not being accepted by the late 90's kids.

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Contrary to what one may think, late 90's and early 00's kids had the same childhood, but whenever a 00's kid says they remember something on an "only 90's kids will understand" post they are ridiculed.

2. Fortune tellers.

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Every day in elementary school you would whip one of these bad boys out of your desk, and proceed to tell all of your classmates what lifestyle they were going to live and who they were going to marry.

3.Bunnicula

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You could never read this book past 8 o'clock at night out of fear that your beloved pet rabbit would come after you.

4. Silly bands.

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You vividly remember begging your parents to buy you $10 worth of cheap rubber bands that vaguely resembles the shape of an everyday object.

5. Parachutes.

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The joy and excitement that washed over you whenever you saw the gym teacher pull out the huge rainbow parachute. The adrenaline that pumped through your veins whenever your gym teacher tells you the pull the chute under you and sit to make a huge "fort".

6. Putty Erasers

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You always bought one whenever there was a school store.

7. iPod shuffle.

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The smallest, least technological iPpd apple has made, made you the coolest kid at the bus stop.

8. "Education Connection"

You knew EVERY wood to the "Education Connection" commercials. Every. Single.Word.

9. " The Naked Brothers Band"

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The "Naked Brothers Band" had a short run on Nickelodeon and wrote some absolute bangers including, "Crazy Car' and "I Don't Wanna Go To School"

10. Dance Dance Revolution

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This one video game caused so many sibling, friend, and parent rivalries. This is also where you learned all of your super sick dance moves.

11. Tamagotchi

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Going to school with fear of your Tamagotchi dying while you were away was your biggest worry.

12. Gym Scooters

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You, or somebody you know most likely broke or jammed their finger on one of these bad boys, but it was worth it.

13. Scholastic book fairs

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Begging your parents for money to buy a new book, and then actually spending it on pens, pencils, erasers, and posters.

14.Go-Gurt

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Who knew that putting yogurt in a plastic tube made it taste so much better?

15. Slap Bracelets

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Your school probably banned these for being "too dangerous".

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