For a while now, I’ve been struggling with the fear of failure, the fear of disappointing people and the fear of getting hurt. During my senior year of college, I’ll have to pick up and continue a ton of responsibilities and leadership positions on campus. It’s not that I’m a stranger to a heavy course load, a job and responsibility. I think it’s more of the fact that there will be people who will have certain expectations of me, and I feel like I might let them down.
It’s the summer before my senior year, and there is so much ahead of me that I feel like a child standing at the precipice of some large abyss of nothingness and I have to find a way to get across. But because I’m afraid of getting hurt, I stay at the edge asking, “But what if I fall?” And He, who knows best and wants the best for me, sits patiently with me and says, “Oh my darling, what if you fly?”
Now, I know everyone’s situation is different, but I think some people forget that sometimes we need to take the risk of jumping and before we can do this, we need to address our fears.
The fear of failure.
You are no stranger to it. You have conquered this fear countless times, like the time you thought you were going to fail a class and studied your butt off before the final and passed the class. Or the time you ran for a leadership position in either ASB (associated student body) or another school group and got it. Or the time you applied for a mission team or job and got the position. You have conquered this fear multiple times in big ways and little ways, even if you haven’t realized it. We usually let this fear control us because of the belief that failure means something about our character, meaning, “If I fail, it means I am a failure,” which could not be farther from the truth. Everyone makes mistakes. What defines your character is how you pick yourself up and bounce back from those mistakes.
The fear of disappointing others.
Everyone makes mistakes; it’s a part of being human. Usually this fear stems from the belief that if you disappoint someone then they will stop loving you or leave you. But this is a lie. If someone truly loves you then they will understand and forgive you. As someone who has been in a leadership position, I’ve learned that it’s truly humbling to ask for help from others and admit that you don’t have all the answers and solutions to every single problem. But it is OK to admit you need help, even at the fear of disappointing those who might look up to you.
The fear of getting hurt.
I think this is a common fear, and I know I’ve been guilty of the mindset that, “If I stay out of the sandbox then I won’t get sand in my eyes. So I’ll just avoid it altogether.” This fear is usually the hardest, because it means being vulnerable and letting yourself be open to hurt. But something I’ve learned from life is that any relationship, friendly or romantic, requires vulnerability. We can’t connect with others without risking a little bit of ourselves and being open with them. Another thing I’ve learned is that sometimes those relationships are the most fruitful and satisfying. Yes, you might get hurt, there is always a chance of that, but even in the process of healing, there is beauty.
So you’re standing on the edge of that cliff and above the darkness you see light, and with this light there are a ton of opportunities open to you. You ask, “What if I fall?” and you hear the response “My darling, what if you fly?” Are you going to take the risk, face your fears and jump?
In times like this remember Psalm 46:5, "God is within her, she will not fall."
