Once upon a time, a boy met a girl, they fell in love, and they lived happily ever after. At least that’s how simplistic the storybooks make it sound. In life, however, the story is typically a little more complicated including bumps in the road and peaks in the valley. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the “simple” definition of love is a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person; attraction that includes sexual desire: the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship. The funny thing is, there is nothing simple about love, not in the slightest.
For some people, diving in unafraid of the outcome is as easy as riding a bike. Opening up to the possibility of love isn’t a chore, instead it’s an adventure with endless opportunities. On the other hand, there are those who fear even the idea of love. Going all in would be the equivalent of jumping into a pit of poisonous snakes. Get bit, and the result could be deadly.
My guess would be this fear was not inborn, but developed overtime through trial and error experiences. Most fears are. For the most part, people learn from mistakes. This is a survival tactic that has likely been a part of human nature since the beginning of time. Make a mistake, change it, do it differently next time the opportunity arises. In regards to love, the same is true. At some point in your life, you’ve probably had your first love. Whether it was just a crush in middle school, a high school sweetheart, your first serious relationship in college or someone special in your 20s, it was the first time you felt something bigger. An emotion that couldn’t be described or controlled. This time set the precedent for all that followed.
If you were lucky, maybe you didn’t feel your first heartbreak at a young age. Instead, it was when you were a bit older at a time when you could handle the immensity that follows a broken heart. Luck is rare though. Reality being what it is, I wouldn’t be surprised if the aforementioned wasn’t the case. Perhaps it wasn’t even a guy that provided you with this first. Losing family, broken bonds with friends you thought you’d have for a lifetime or history written from a past you weren’t even a part of yet can have the same effect. At one point or another, you have felt the pain of being broken. Your worth, your soul, your image shattered at its core into a million pieces. The path to reconstruction wasn’t easy, and since then, you stray away from anything resembling the memories.
It’s time to face your fear – as cliché as it sounds. Stop pushing away the people who open themselves up to you. Instead, take a chance and open up your heart in return. Easier said than done, right? All that matters is that it is possible. However, you must take the first step: letting go of the past. Now, there’s a difference between letting go and forgetting. If you let go, the past still exists shaping your future in a small way, but it does not consume you. This is how you learn from your past without inhibiting your future.
If you have already taken this step in your life, I congratulate you. This is one of the more difficult stages to get through. Now comes the second most difficult: actually letting yourself love. This doesn’t just include letting in emotions and giving them in return rather than being numb to the world. That would just be going through the motions, which is easy to force and not feel. To love is to embrace dreams and happiness. Let yourself dream of the future without holding back. Yes, it’s scary as hell because dreams lead to hope, which has the potential for heart break – again. But without it, you are dealing in empty promises. Just as “I love you” isn’t simply three words without meaning, your love is not an empty emotion you don’t intend to keep. Don’t love for the sake of it; love because you truly mean it and are ready to do so.
There is no one way to walk away from fear’s shadow. As long as you can, that’s all that matters. In the end, it comes down to a balance. The perfect combination of fear, dreams, hope, and happiness that will ultimately allow you to love without being afraid. So take my hand, and we’ll do it together.
