I don't drink. It's not because I think I'm better than anyone else. But somehow, that's what people think it means. "I don't drink" somehow translates to 1. I think I'm better than you 2. I don't want to go to any parties no matter how many of my friend are there 3. I'm for sure judging you if you drink. I'm here with some groundbreaking news: "I don't drink" simply means, that I. Don't. Drink.
This is my choice, and I think it’s best for me. There are a lot of reasons that I choose this, several of them are medical reasons that just make it a bad idea. One reason is that alcoholism runs in my family. Another reason is that I have had depression and anxiety for years, and very little control over my emotions. Alcohol does not always mix well with medication and it also messes with your self-control. I don’t want to diminish something I’ve tried so hard to strengthen. I don’t want to break down a recovery that’s been years in the making. A third reason that I don’t drink is simply because I don’t want to. And that should be perfectly fine with you.
Despite the fact that I have more “legitimate” reasons than simply not wanting to drink, I’m still treated as a social pariah. I had a solid group of friends in high school, and as college approached and came, they drifted further and further away. It didn’t matter that I had always volunteered to be DD, or that I’d get everyone coffee and Gatorade on the ride home, or make sure that they stayed safe. Apparently that made me judgmental. It didn’t matter that beforehand we had done so much together. Now everything has to be done with alcohol, and can you really include someone who doesn’t drink?
Several parties, not just random parties, but parties thrown by close friends I’ve missed out on because of my decision not to drink. They just didn’t think I’d want to come. But they didn’t even bother to give me the choice. I never got an invitation or any notice. Deciding not to drink means that everything is now decided for me. I don’t always get a say in what I do or don’t want to do. Instead I get to stay at home, trying to avoid seeing update after update on Snapchat and Instagram, watching my exclusion develop and solidify.
What it comes down to is just not trying to understand. I should not have to explain myself with a decision like this. It’s like how I shouldn’t have to explain myself when I say I don’t want soda. It’s a choice that affects no one else but me. So when I say that I don’t drink, don’t say “Wow, good for you that’s awesome!” Because it is not awesome. For those of us who have made this decision, young adulthood is a social nightmare. I know that this is not an occurrence specific to me, so please, start treating people better.
