In light of the last installment of the "Fifty Shades of Grey" series hitting theaters, as well as the "Weinstein effect" sweeping the entire entertainment industry, I thought it was only appropriate to ask the age-old question in 2018:
What do women actually want, or maybe more importantly, what does the 2018 woman actually want?
In the age of "Me too" and a heightened awareness of sexual abuse and harassment in its most primitive forms, we as a culture would seem to be very vigilant about the appropriate behavior that a man takes in approaching a woman in 2018. But in the same token, one of the hottest box office hits has been a series that consists of a plot that involves a man showering another woman with material possessions in exchange for almost sadistic acts of sexual violence.
We have entered into a time when even an inappropriate sexual comment can offend someone of the opposite sex, which (usually) resorts in action being taken accordingly. This is good in its most primitive regard. It's good because it lessens the effect that these comments have on our cultural psyche, as well as lessening the fear that it heightens in an unwanted sexual advance.
However, we also have an ELECTED commander in chief who brags about grabbing the, well, you know.
So, where does that invisible unspeakable line begin and end? When does it venture from being assertive and bold in a positive connotation into becoming sexual harassment, or even worse, sexual abuse?
Just imagine: I walk into a woman's apartment who I have been "stage five clinger" with for weeks, profess my love for her, and she tries to push me out the door telling me "no" several times. Instead of letting her push me out the door though, I stop her from pushing the door closed, step in front of her, grab her in my arms, and forcibly kiss her.
Cute, right?
In reality, she would probably run away from me, and I would be walking out of the apartment building to a sea of police officers with their guns raised at me.
So, what's the difference? Why is it that when I do it, a court hearing is in the near future, but when Matthew McConaughey or John Cusack do it women from all walks of life fawn over how sweet and romantic it is?
It's just that. I am not John Cusack or Matthew McConaughey, so the sentiment is not returned.
Society has told me that women generally do want that assertiveness and boldness, but in reality, they just want it from men that they want.
That's fine, I can understand that. The only problem is that because women are expected by society to not reciprocate that assertiveness, there is a disconnect and grey area that is never coherently addressed. Until I "try" to do what pop culture has told me to do for years in order to attract women, I don't know if I am looked at as the creepy guy who forces a kiss or the cute whimsical dominant man that "takes what he and she wants."
I am in no way supporting or giving an excuse for blatant sexual assault like "date rape," but I am referring to the cases that fall within that grey area. If I am told "no" the first time, pop culture tells me to continue trying until she changes her mind. In our contemporary modern culture, the man's role is to be dominant and chase, while the woman's role is to initiate that "chase" and flirt to enough of a degree that the man only WANTS the woman more.
So, are we conditioned to believe that we as men should WANT a woman more if she originally rejects an advance? Watch 90% of these "chick flicks" that generally carry a majority female audience; they all possess these same gender roles and relationship goals. Everyone plays into these cultural roles, which is why many men feel the need to assert their dominance in the dating world and in all facets of their professional and personal lives in a desperate attempt to flaunt their dominance and "prove" that they do indeed know "what women want."
But the question is, what do women want in 2018? If women do want this ideology that our culture romanticizes, do women want that specifically from me, and how do I actually know?
