If you look up what it means to forgive someone in the dictionary, you’ll find that it says “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone).” However, it doesn’t say anything about whether or not we should continue to keep the people we offer forgiveness to in our lives.
Forgiveness is incredibly important. It allows us to set ourselves free from the anger we hold, and it allows us to set others free from their mistakes so that they can grow from them unrestrictedly. I firmly believe we should always offer forgiveness to those who wrong us; however, I’m aware I haven’t always done so in the right way. In the past, I’ve always immediately allowed those who have mistreated me back into my life as I don’t enjoy conflict and felt this was a way of offering forgiveness. However, I’ve become aware that in doing this I wasn’t truly being forgiving, I was instead setting myself up for a constant cycle of being hurt as others knew they could treat me however they wished and I would never cut them off regardless of their actions.
I now know it is possible to forgive someone and not take them back into our lives. We can rid ourselves of our anger and frustration and treat those who have wronged us with respect without continuing to have a relationship with them. While it’s hard to draw the line determining whether or not forgiveness of a situation should entail continuing to allow people in our lives, it’s important that we take the time to evaluate the events at hand in order to make the correct decision. Forgiveness should take into account what’s best for both people involved, not just the wishes of one of them.
So what does it mean to forgive? Well, there really is no right answer. Forgiveness looks different in every situation, it depends on the people involved and the actions that occurred. However, it should always involve respect being demonstrated to the people on both sides of the conflict. Maybe this means allowing people back into your life and maybe it doesn’t, but it’s important to remember that while forgiveness can be many things, it isn’t letting people back into your life who don’t push you to be the best you can be.
