This week, I was fortunate enough to catch Jennifer Salva as she was on the run in her busy, inspiring life. Jennifer is a woman of many talents and involvements and my 20-minute phone conversation with her was one of the warmest I've ever had. So, I hope we can learn from her insight and learn how to help people.
Her story starts like this: when she was five, she noticed her sister was different. When her sister reached the schooling age, she didn't quite talk or act like the other kids. By sixth grade, Jennifer was helping teach sign language classes at her and her sister's elementary and she was fully equipped to answer some hard questions in life.
Jennifer has a younger sister who is developmentally disabled. Her disability has left her deaf and non-oral (because Jennifer made it clear that her sister is, in fact, very verbal). She may be "slower" in academic settings than the other kids, but Jennifer shared that really, it just depends on the level of interest for how well her sister applies herself to tasks. Her example of this comes from stories about people approaching her with this common question: "Is your sister retarded?" Jennifer adds:
"They sometimes don't know how to phrase it, like "how 'there' is she?" They're basically asking, is she smart or is she not "there?" So I tell them, she had spelling tests when she was in grade school and she couldn't spell the difference between there, their and they're, but she really likes cars and she can spell Mitsubishi. So, it's just a matter of what she sees value in and the application. Some of the people that see her, like her peers or teachers, might think that she's not smart, but you can't necessarily put a normal school curriculum in front of every child or give them an IQ test; because my sister is nonverbal, she couldn't even take one. There's a lot of different kinds of intelligence, and a lot of different ways to measure that; some are probably unquantifiable."
Isn't that an awesome system for learning? Only know what you love and you'll know it extremely well. Hey, works for me. Jennifer is right when she says that there are so many different kinds of intelligence. We usually hear the terms "street smart" and "book smart." The one most valuable measure of intelligence I have in mind is basically, the ability to love others and yourself. With more geniuses with that kind of intelligence, the world would be a much safer place.
Another element to note is the idea that, even though some people used harsh language when inquiring about Jennifer's sister by calling her retarded, Jennifer would still tell them the same story, allowing them to have the chance to be informed. Here is some food for thought: would it be better for them to never approach Jennifer in fear that calling her sister "retarded" would severely offend her and, therefore, not ask the question they're needing to ask in order to educate themselves, or is it worse to ask and learn, possibly offending someone early on in the process? To me, it is better to ask, be wrong and learn from it, rather than never taking the risk at all.
Judgement is all around us and a lot of it is implicit. We cannot be aware of biases when they are hidden and shut-off from reality. If we ask those hard questions and bring those implicit prejudices and judgments into the light, then we will be in a much better spot to address them and, therefore, demolish them as best we can.
At the start of our conversation Jennifer brought up a great point that I think especially applies to life today and is contrary to a lot of popular beliefs on the same topic relating to the fear of offending others. She said,
"My peers had lots of questions about her and especially at that age, no one was scared to ask those questions. Which is really cool, because as you get a little bit older, people are not only scared to ask questions for offending somebody, but they're also scared to interact with someone who has a disability. And its not because they don't like that person, I believe, but because they're just uncomfortable."
In our "progressive," modernized world, the restrictions on offensive content and even words or accusations have become stricter and stricter. Hear me out. In no way am I saying that we all should be more rude and the wimps who get offended just need to grow tougher skins, because that is a breeding ground for violence, mistreatment and hate. I will say, however, I think all of these restrictions cause the general population to be scared. It's like, if everyone is walking around on eggshells 24/7, then who is going to have enough courage to speak up and ask the questions that need to be asked? In my life, I've learned that if you don't know the answer, just ask someone who does. Without asking questions and inquiring about someone else's knowledge of a subject, we lose education and we lose it fast. If I don't know what someone's life is like, I should just ask straight from the source. Doesn't that give me the best informed answer anyway?
Without getting information straight from the horse's mouth and continuing to be scared about questioning the things you don't quite understand in someone else's life, we will never have a chance to grow. Growth means education and education means progression. We try and strive for progression without communication and that literally leaves too many things unsaid. This causes a backfire in the plan and no one really moves forward. Only misunderstanding, judgement and, therefore, mistreatment flourish.
Jennifer is someone who will give you those answers, no strings attached. I believe she sees the unending value in education. At a young age, as a middle-schooler, she told me,
"I started telling them about my sister and telling them what she has."
She goes on to talk about the welcoming and open environment she had in school once they got past answering the initial hard questions. In reference to her teaching sign-language classes, Jennifer shared,
"People in elementary and junior high started showing me all the cool signs they knew and asked how to sign things"
On the surface, this simple comment may not seem like anything amazing, but with a deeper lens, there are so many elements of positivity being communicated here. First, the children, who we all know are the most honest creatures on this earth (Yes, ma'am, that little girl will tell you that the dress makes you look fat), were courageous enough to ask about Jennifer's sister. Then, Jennifer dutifully answered, wanting to educate those around her. The final product turned out to be an open community of support where people could freely talk about sign language and other services that were helpful to Jennifer's sister without a second thought about possible offense being taken. When everything is out on the table, there's nothing to hold us back from serving one another and engaging in positive community.
Jennifer is also involved with an organization called Inclusion Connections. This agency provides services for those who have disabilities and their main focus is integrating and including people with disabilities into everyday life within their community.
Visit their website here.
When asked about her involvement with Inclusion Connections, Jennifer said it started out as she began to wonder about the real-world challenges her sister was going to have to face:
"I started thinking, well what kind of job is she going to have? She doesn't get phone calls to go hang out with friends and she has trouble in school, not because she's not smart, but because she isn't just deaf or doesn't just have a disability, she has both."
So Jennifer looked into three areas of life: the social arena, education and employment. She told me she wanted to take what she had learned from her sister's and her family's experiences and begin to help others who may be facing the same kinds of challenges.
Jennifer began a program through Inclusion Connections. The members partner with the local Police Department and the officers meet with people who have disabilities and teach them safety skills. They have a specific emphasis on finding safety if they get separated from their parents or group. This helps kids communicate with 911 who might be nonverbal -- or might not be able to speak even if they are verbal -- because of the frightening situation at hand.
Another big part of Jennifer's program includes having the kids and young adults meet the officers, while in their uniforms. This allows them to see that they're not scary, because, as Jennifer mentions, they can seem pretty intimidating with all those things on their belt. By finding out that they're normal people and having fun by playing games together, the kids are more likely to feel comfortable enough to ask those leaders for help when they need it.
Jennifer said in talking about the success of her program:
"If even one kid learned one thing and that means they'll be that much safer, then my goal is accomplished."
Now, she is looking to expand to the fire department, too. She also hopes to connect with someone who could talk about household safety, things like safety in the kitchen, electrical safety and all those hidden dangers you don't think about all the time as being possible hazards.
Jennifer's experiences with her sister pushed her to want to make a difference in her community. Now she is serving others and helping people overcome challenges a lot of us never thought existed before reading this article. Our blessings are many, guys, and there are so many ways we can utilize our capabilities for good. Jennifer's heart for helping those in her community started with a simple choice: she chose to educate others. Whether that meant answering hard-to-hear questions or volunteering her time to make an environment better for those in need, she did it with an open mind and loving heart.
As Mother Teresa says,
"Do small things with great love."
And that, my friends, will begin to grow something bigger than you could have ever imagined. Let's start small this week and let's help people.
