Roasting Trump After The First Debate

In case you couldn't figure it out, I'm roasting Trump right now and probably all of his under-educated supporters (sorry, not sorry). If you saw the debate just this Tuesday, you either had one of three following reactions:

1. OMG this is so damn funny!

2. Holy **** the country is gonna end in 4 months, or

3. Both. I'm gonna go over some reasons why you shouldn't vote for Trump, aside from him just being a jack-wagon. Here are his policy issues as he stated on Tuesday.

1. Immigration

Trump: We have the most deficient, useless immigration policy in the world. People are coming into the country and we don't even know who they are. Those damn Mexicans and Syrian refugees are bringing chaos into the country. Crime has gone up, homicides have gone up, and you know what my blood pressure is going up too.

Literally WTF. Trump is like WebMD of politics. One small issue and he's immediately asserting that we're about to have a nuclear crisis the likes of which this world has never seen. We don't know who's coming into the country? Obviously we do because we have your orange, orangutan behind in the country and your mother is literally from Scotland. Oh but no I don't want you people to be naturalized because that's bringing crime and rapists into the country. What's even richer is that his (current) wife isn't even from here either. This is so hypocritical, but then again look who we're talking about.

2. Race relations

Trump: Stop and Frisk people. It's gotta be stop and frisk. I have loads of African American friends and they love me.

*Facedesk* Really? Police are already stereotyping minorities UNCONSTITUTIONALLY, now you want to give them the right to do that? Sounds like a great idea to me. I mean after all they can't discriminate against him because he's the only orange person in the country aside from John Boehner. We should really start spraying for those. What idiot black people actually vote for him anyway? And those black churches that say that Trump is holier than thou. Ugh you make me sick. If he gets elected, God almighty forbid, I hope you've got a bunker to hide yourselves in because he's gonna deport you.

3. Trade

CHIYNA!!!!!! Literally nothing else to say here.

4. Jobs

MEXICO! OMG those Mexicans are taking our jobs and they're leaving the country because of these insanely high tax margins, blah blah blah. Okay Mr. Trump so what is your solution? We've gotta keep the jobs from leaving, by gutting the corporate tax rate by 20%, never mind that they don't pay their taxes to begin with. Okay yes, but what will you do to create jobs? IT WILL CREATE JOBS OKAY?!?! I have a tremendous company, I have great wealth, my head is shoved so far up my behind that I could make a pretzel outta myself, it's gonna be fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

5. Cyber Security

Trump: Let me tell you something. We have a serious problem and we need to talk about it. Code for: I don't have a damn clue as to what the hell you just asked me.

6. Temperament

Trump: I am the most stable guy in the history of stability. I am totally not spewing racial, misogynistic, ignorant, bigot ideas around. That's not me. The people love me. They love me. I have more temperament than Hillary Clinton. I'm so stable that I make the Empire State Building look like a twig in the breeze.

7. Foreign Relations

Trump: Bomb the crap outta ISIS and take the oil. Take the oil. Oh by the way I totally did NOT support the Iraq war. It was all Obama's fault. By the way me and Putin are like the Rock and Kevin Hart.

8. Other issues

Trump: President Obama was not fit to be president because he's foreign born. He's a Muslim! Damn him! What? I didn't say that! I never ever said that. I disavow. Me not paying taxes makes me smart? Who the hell told you that? You CNN people are just a bunch of fat, lying, incompetent bags of garbage. I never, EVER, said that. The media treats me unfairly. You know what? Just for that, I'm gonna build a wall SOOOO YUUUUGEEEE, that your radio waves won't even reach over them to broadcast to the rest of the country or the world for that matter. You guys are a mess, but don't worry I'm gonna fix it. I'm gonna deport your radio waves. TV will never see you guys again. Ever. And.. I'm gonna shoot down every satellite that you have in space.

..... Real talk, let's elect Bernie Sanders.