If you're a broke college student like myself, you've probably found yourself consistently purchasing a handle of Burnett's Vodka. Burnett's Vodka gets the job done without breaking the bank. Although everyone can agree that none of the flavors are actually good, everyone has their go-to flavor that they get every time they go to the liquor store. Here's what that flavor you claim to "love" or prefer or accept or whatever says about you.
1. Peach
As the Burnett's website would say, " Life's just peachy with Burnett's Peach Vodka." You're either an insane hardo or you're too poor for a mixer. If you're buying Peach Burnett's, you're also probably practicing your "I swear it actually tastes good" speech to tell your friends as well.
2. Any Holiday Themed Flavor
Candy Cane, Pumpkin Spice, etc. If you're buying one of these you're clearly trying to be festive, but too poor to do it the right way. Save everyone the stomach ache and stick with other flavors or just candy canes and pumpkin spiced lattes. Whatever.
3. Pink Lemonade
If you're still drinking Pink Lemonade Burnett's, you're probably also still stuck in high school. Nothing brings back memories of your first time drinking in your friends' basement while their parents were out like a nice handle of this.
**note this also applies to Whipped Cream as well.**
4. Lime
As a close friend and frequent Lime Burnett's drinker of mine once said, "Obviously I drink Lime Burnett's because it goes great with Diet Coke which results in fabulous pre-gaming while I get to enjoy a 0 calorie drink." Lime Burnett drinkers dream of a day where they can spend money on decent alcohol and not have to drown it with diet coke instead, but settle for this flavor that goes with almost every kind of mixer.
5. Cherry
You probably frequently find yourself at the liquor store with minimal funds. At this point, you have accepted the fact that Burnett's won't taste good regardless of the flavor, so why not just pick a flavor that tastes like cough medicine right??? Everyone loves that!
6. Plain
You're fucking sick, figuratively and literally (just give it a few hours to really kick in). That is all.
7. Citrus
No one ever buys/asks/wants this flavor, but somehow it's always around. And chances are anyone and everyone will drink it. Just cause it's there...definitely not because it tastes good...because it doesn't.
8. Mango, Peach, Raspberry, Pomegranate, Pineapple, Coconut
You're a hopeful individual. With each purchase of one of these flavors, you're hoping to find that one golden fruity flavor of Burnett's that you'll be able to drink and enjoy (emphasis on enjoy) forever and ever. I'm sorry for the feelings of disappointment and the hangover you feel after you realize you were wrong.
9. Blue Raspberry
"It'll look like you ate a blue smurf!" Aw, thanks Burnett's , that's the perfect accessory for the night. You're one of those people who really live in the moment. And by live in the moment, I mean you're more focused on how it tastes like blue Jolly Ranchers than the worst hang over in the world coming at you the next morning.
10. Hot Cinnamon, Maple Syrup, Orange Cream, Strawberry Banana, Sugar Cookie or Sweet Tea
Just stop.
