The other day I went to visit my 83-year-old grandma. We sat and talked about family, books and a number of subjects. However, she would always drift back to discussing my brother and I when we were younger. She would enthusiastically reminisce about how we would all sit on the floor, and play bingo and various other board games together. Her eyes brightened as she talked about fixing us hot dogs and mac-n-cheese. She smiled to herself about us grabbing the big cookie jar and eating as many as we wanted. Then she would conclude by saying that she never imagined we would grow up. "But, it is what it is baby," she said nostalgically. "What can you do?"
She was, of course, referring to the passing of time and how you have no control over it. However, she used the phrase again several more times. She used it when discussing how my grandpa passed away a little over 20 years ago and any other uncontrollable situation she brought up. When she said this, it made me sad for her. The powerlessness of the words. The lack of control of time and how it passes us by. She made me start thinking about life and the fact that it just goes on and on, and never stops. We discussed places we liked to travel to and while mine was a list of hopes that I one day may go to these places, hers was a list of "I wish I had been able to." I began to think to myself, "What can you do?"
Now, don't misunderstand me. My grandma is not miserable in her old age. She is not full of regret. She doesn't believe her life hasn't been full. She is quite content to sit in her quiet house and read a good book in her comfy chair. She doesn't feel like she's wasted her time or that there is nothing left for her. She simply knows her tomorrows are fewer than her yesterdays. So she is looking back and peacefully saying she can do nothing to change that. I realized this once I got over the sadness of the statement because she is not sad.
So the more I started thinking about what can you do, the more it changed to do what you can. She cannot travel to London. As she has gotten older she has lost the energy to be able to take such at trip. She will not be able to go before the end of her life as she once imagined. However, what she can do is sit and enjoy long conversations with her granddaughter. She can read a nice long book about historical persons who lived in all the fine places she ever imagined going. It may not be what she always wanted, but it is enough. At some point, we all have is to let it be enough. We can't live in the past or the future. We have to live in the present and not focus on what can't be done, but instead on what we can do with what we have been given. Joy can be found in this, and we must find joy in it if we are ever going to look back on our lives with any satisfaction. You are never going to be able to do it all, and you are never going to be able to control everything. I realized you must do what you can and do what matters.
