Anxiety comes in all different ways for different people, but if you have anxiety - and I do, too - I bet you there's a lot of which we can agree upon.
Anxiety is when I'm so tired and just longing to go to sleep, even struggling to stay awake but I am so scared to roll over and shut my eyes because I don't know where my mind is going to go. What am I going to think of tonight? What is going to replay in my head over and over tonight? Maybe it's that embarrassing thing I said earlier this week. Maybe it's the fear that I am going to embarrass myself tomorrow. Maybe how I could've done better at this and that or done something differently? Maybe it's preparing for the worst out of a normal day to day situation to where my anxiety twists it up so badly to the point where I debate even going in the first place. Maybe it's thinking of how everyone close to me probably thinks I'm the most annoying person they've come across and my anxiety makes it worse. Maybe it's wishing I could say how sorry I am to those people for having to deal with me and everything I've caused them - even if they claim I have not caused them anything, my anxiety declares that's not possible.
Anxiety is walking down the street terrified that you're going to see somebody you know. Even if you look fine or you're having a good day, the thought of someone you know seeing you makes you want to run and hide. Anxiety is never feeling alone, but not in the way you would want to.
Anxiety is constantly wanting to do good and please everyone because you think that's the least you could do after everything you bring them.
Your mind never shuts off. There's never ending "what if's." Constant worry. Even now writing this, I worry about the people reading and what they will think, how they will react. Will they understand it? Will they roll their eyes and think I'm ridiculous? I don't know. But the one thing that brings comfort is that God knows. He works through my anxiety and provides for me no matter what situation is at hand.
"Everything that You have spoken will come to pass. Let it be done."
Anxiety may be big but God is bigger. Death was defeated the day Jesus died on that cross and the victory has been won. Because of Him, anxiety has no hold on me or my life. I am not defined by it. I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God. I am set free.
