What Does an Anxiety Attack Sound Like?

What Does an Anxiety Attack Sound Like?

Young woman works to de-stigmatize mental illness through storytelling on Instagram
Aurora
Aurora

Hi. My name is Aurora and I journal openly about my experiences with generalized anxiety and major depressive disorder to raise awareness about the importance of mental health and the stigma surrounding mental illness. Writing is such a cathartic process, and It's my hope that in sharing these personal thoughts and experiences that others can find comfort, knowing they aren't alone or crazy. I was inspired by an anxiety attack to write about the following experience. To connect with me or read more about these topics, you can find me on Instagram as @auroralyrayoga.


When I tell you I'm having a bad day, and you ask me why, I can't tell you exactly why.

I may know what triggered it.
But that's just the beginning.

The following is what can happen in the course of a 5 minute conversation on a "bad day."

This is what major depressive disorder sounds like.
This is what generalized anxiety sounds like.

It starts with one thought.
And one leads to another.
And too many of them all at once can lead to…
Well,
A Bad day:







Say something.
No, don't say it, no one wants to hear what you have to say anyways.
Why are you so anxious?
You need to get over your fear by participating.
So participate.
Why did you say that?
Of course you would mention a random story that has basically nothing to do with what's going on right now.
It's completely irrelevant.
While we're at it, these feelings that you have about this whole conversation is irrelevant.
These frustrations are irrelevant.
This anxiety is irrelevant.
No one cares and it's your problem.
You created it.
It's your fault.
So stop complaining.
No one wants to hear it.
You're just like he said you were: always saying the wrong things at the wrong time.
No wonder you have social anxiety.
No wonder he left.
He never even liked you for your personality!
Did you honestly think he did?
How could he when you can barely stand yourself either?
How could it possibly be different with someone else?
They aren't interested in you for your thoughts.
They just pretend to get to know you long enough until you let your guard down.
No one can love you until you love yourself.
And that will never happen so you're screwed.
Why can't you just stay on topic for once?
With anything?
You start all these projects and can't even finish any of them.
You know why?
Because you're not focused.
If you had better focus you could get things done.
Then you'd be more successful.
Little things wouldn't bother you.
Everything bothers you.
Everything!
And you're pathetically trying so hard to get over things.
All the fucking time.






































I see you flailing, just trying to keep your head above water and it's pathetic.
No one wants to see that.
It's embarrassing.
Trying so hard to let things go.
Trying so hard all the time and all you're doing is barely getting by and making everyone around you painfully aware of your problems.



Your problems.

You know what your problem is?
You take things too seriously.
You take things too personally.
No one really pays that much attention.
Stop thinking you've got something valid to say.
So much for accepting things.
You can't even accept the fact that you can't accept things well.
How pathetic is that?
And you call yourself a yoga teacher?
What are you even doing with your life?
All your thoughts run in circles and you can't control them.
You've never been able to control them and you never will.
You can't pick yourself up fast enough.
Something small happens and your thoughts go tumbling out of control and before you know it you're crying.
Again.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Why can't you be like everyone else and just not be so affected by every little thing?
You cry over everything.
Everything!
What does this current situation have to do with your dad dying?
Why are you sad about that all of a sudden?
You always bring the past into the present unnecessarily.
That's your problem.
You try too hard.
You try too hard to make people like you.
You care too much about what other people think.
You're uncomfortable all the time for all these stupid reasons.
No one really cares.
It was always like this and it will always be like this.
Because despite all your pathetic attempts at fixing all this, it's still a problem.
Cheers to the next 40 years of a life like this.
Good luck getting through it.
Because as hard as you try, you can’t just get rid of your personality and replace it with a new one.
And the fact that you even strive to do that is pretty embarrassing.
You have way too many insecurities.
Just get over yourself already!



































"You okay?" He asks.

I look up, after staring into space.

Cover Image Credit: Matthew Henry, Unsplash

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Forgiving Others Is Important, But Just As Important Is To Forgive Yourself

None of us are perfect, and that is what makes us human.
“Free yourself from your past mistakes, by forgiving yourself for what you’ve done or went through. Every day is another chance to start over.”

Forgiving others is important, but sometimes you need to forgive yourself too. None of us are perfect, and that is what makes us human.

We feel like we mess up friendships, relationships, opportunities, etc. Have you ever just been sitting and thinking and all of a sudden everything that's ever gone wrong comes back and haunts you? You sit there over analyzing every single detail until you're upset and depressed. It could have been something that happened years ago, but there you are, thinking about it and how you wish you had a do-over.

Don't beat yourself up.Take those as learning experiences and keep going. If I learned anything in my sociology class my freshman year of college, it was that "all emotional pain lasts twelve minutes. Anything after that is self-inflicted." Allow yourself time to learn and grow into the person you were meant to be and want to be.

Change doesn't happen overnight, so ride with the process, even if some bumps occur in the along the way.

"Forgive yourself first. Release the need to replay a negative situation over and over again in your mind. Don't become a hostage to your past by always reviewing and reliving your mistakes. Don't remind yourself of what should have, could have or would have been. Release it and let it go. Move on." Les Brown

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Should Living With Anxiety Be Referred To As A New Epidemic?

40 million adults deal with anxiety per year, and why are these numbers so high?

Have you ever noticed the amount of anxiety floating around in the world?

Personally, anxiety has taken hold of my life on more than one occasion, but I've noticed that even as I cope with my anxiety others are falling victim to it. It's human nature to get anxious before first days, important events, or when things just aren't going your way.

However, there's a growing number of young adults who experience anxiety in their day to day lives. So, what's the cause to this growing "anxiety epidemic?"

I often wonder what causes my anxiety, and how that relates to others. Of course, I'm no doctor, but as someone who struggles with anxiety I wonder what makes my anxiety run. What does it fuel from?

One moment I could be laughing up a storm, and the next I get this overwhelming feeling of dissociation. Things escalated quicker than a Kevin Hart movie, and not in a good way. My normal moments were bombarded with breakdowns, anxiety rashes, and the constant desire to cry, but why?

Is this generation focusing too much on the bad part of life? Are we easily bothered? Has entitlement and privilege weakened our mental strength? Or is the world really just that scary?

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million adults, aged 18 and older, are affected by anxiety PER YEAR. The most common is Generalized Anxiety Disorder, although Social Anxiety is very common in young adults as well. Even still, no one is really sure why these statistics are so high?

What's it like living with anxiety?

Being a young adult with a mild case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder isn't easy. An overwhelming amount of school work, or the slightest change in my day could spur a day full of stress. You expect the, "Are you okay?", "Is this one of your days?", or "Are you sick?" questions.

You settle into the idea that your face will probably never clear up because all you do is worry and eat junk food, and as a girl you always wonder if your anxiety disorder will keep you from having kids.

Personally, I think every thing that goes wrong is my fault. If you ask to ask me a question before asking me the question, I'm liable to start worrying. Also, don't expect me to talk about what's wrong because often times talking about my worries makes me susceptible to a cry fest.

You learn to cry, and appreciate the three different types of tears used to help you heal. It's not odd to lose your appetite, or go a day or two without eating. The spontaneous idea of throwing up isn't crazy, and it no longer worries you because this has become your life. You hide behind your bedroom door and cry in private, or you act all fine in public. Relationships are hard, maintaining trust is hard, but even more surrendering to God is hard.

Anxiety makes you question everything you know. I know that my God has me in His hands. I know that He has planned my life, my obstacles, my words before I could have even fathomed the idea of them. I know when I cry He catches my tears, and holds my hand. Anxiety is not of Him, and falling victim to it is not what He wants. Our God wants us to live loved, and joyful. He wants us to run into His arms instead of the fears of the world.

Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition."

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to you a future and a hope."

Psalm 18:6 says, "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears."

These disorders tell us we are NOTHING. They tell us we are BROKEN, UNLOVABLE, INCAPABLE, MESS UPS.

This world tells us that we are UNSAFE. It tells us we are HELPLESS. STUCK. PERPETUALLY LOST.

But our God, He tells us we are loved. He tells us we are good. He shows us that we are worthy. He proves that we can be fixed. He reminds us that WE ARE NOT ALONE.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

Be still my friends. If you suffer from anxiety you are not alone. You are not broken, but you are loved. If you or someone you know suffers from anxiety please talk to someone. A therapist, a doctor, your family, but most importantly God. There are treatments and ways to a better life.

"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?" - Romans 8:31


Cover Image Credit: Kat Smith

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