What Does an Anxiety Attack Sound Like?

What Does an Anxiety Attack Sound Like?

Young woman works to de-stigmatize mental illness through storytelling on Instagram
Aurora
Aurora
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Hi. My name is Aurora and I journal openly about my experiences with generalized anxiety and major depressive disorder to raise awareness about the importance of mental health and the stigma surrounding mental illness. Writing is such a cathartic process, and It's my hope that in sharing these personal thoughts and experiences that others can find comfort, knowing they aren't alone or crazy. I was inspired by an anxiety attack to write about the following experience. To connect with me or read more about these topics, you can find me on Instagram as @auroralyrayoga.


When I tell you I'm having a bad day, and you ask me why, I can't tell you exactly why.

I may know what triggered it.
But that's just the beginning.

The following is what can happen in the course of a 5 minute conversation on a "bad day."

This is what major depressive disorder sounds like.
This is what generalized anxiety sounds like.

It starts with one thought.
And one leads to another.
And too many of them all at once can lead to…
Well,
A Bad day:







Say something.
No, don't say it, no one wants to hear what you have to say anyways.
Why are you so anxious?
You need to get over your fear by participating.
So participate.
Why did you say that?
Of course you would mention a random story that has basically nothing to do with what's going on right now.
It's completely irrelevant.
While we're at it, these feelings that you have about this whole conversation is irrelevant.
These frustrations are irrelevant.
This anxiety is irrelevant.
No one cares and it's your problem.
You created it.
It's your fault.
So stop complaining.
No one wants to hear it.
You're just like he said you were: always saying the wrong things at the wrong time.
No wonder you have social anxiety.
No wonder he left.
He never even liked you for your personality!
Did you honestly think he did?
How could he when you can barely stand yourself either?
How could it possibly be different with someone else?
They aren't interested in you for your thoughts.
They just pretend to get to know you long enough until you let your guard down.
No one can love you until you love yourself.
And that will never happen so you're screwed.
Why can't you just stay on topic for once?
With anything?
You start all these projects and can't even finish any of them.
You know why?
Because you're not focused.
If you had better focus you could get things done.
Then you'd be more successful.
Little things wouldn't bother you.
Everything bothers you.
Everything!
And you're pathetically trying so hard to get over things.
All the fucking time.






































I see you flailing, just trying to keep your head above water and it's pathetic.
No one wants to see that.
It's embarrassing.
Trying so hard to let things go.
Trying so hard all the time and all you're doing is barely getting by and making everyone around you painfully aware of your problems.



Your problems.

You know what your problem is?
You take things too seriously.
You take things too personally.
No one really pays that much attention.
Stop thinking you've got something valid to say.
So much for accepting things.
You can't even accept the fact that you can't accept things well.
How pathetic is that?
And you call yourself a yoga teacher?
What are you even doing with your life?
All your thoughts run in circles and you can't control them.
You've never been able to control them and you never will.
You can't pick yourself up fast enough.
Something small happens and your thoughts go tumbling out of control and before you know it you're crying.
Again.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Why can't you be like everyone else and just not be so affected by every little thing?
You cry over everything.
Everything!
What does this current situation have to do with your dad dying?
Why are you sad about that all of a sudden?
You always bring the past into the present unnecessarily.
That's your problem.
You try too hard.
You try too hard to make people like you.
You care too much about what other people think.
You're uncomfortable all the time for all these stupid reasons.
No one really cares.
It was always like this and it will always be like this.
Because despite all your pathetic attempts at fixing all this, it's still a problem.
Cheers to the next 40 years of a life like this.
Good luck getting through it.
Because as hard as you try, you can’t just get rid of your personality and replace it with a new one.
And the fact that you even strive to do that is pretty embarrassing.
You have way too many insecurities.
Just get over yourself already!



































"You okay?" He asks.

I look up, after staring into space.

Cover Image Credit: Matthew Henry, Unsplash

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Everything You Need To Know About BANG Energy Drinks

Say goodbye to your favorite pre-workout drink.
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BANG energy drinks from VPX Sports are the hottest new products for athletes everywhere. On every can, you'll find their catchphrase "Potent Brain & Body Fuel" and it gives you just that. Clean energy, laser-sharp focus, and no sugar induced crashes are just a few of the reasons these bad boys are flying off the shelves faster than retailers can keep them stocked. Haven't heard of them? Sound too good to be true? Let me answer your questions.

What is it? It's an energy drink that's kind of like your typical Red Bull or Monster. It's a perfect substitution for pre-workout supplements or coffee.

Who's it meant for? Anyone! A better question to ask is, "Who isn't this drink meant for?" On the can, you'll find a recommendation for no one under the age of 18 to consume the drink. You also may want to steer clear of it if you're sensitive to stimulants like caffeine.

What's in it? BANG energy drinks contain zero calories, zero carbohydrates, and zero sugar. But what you can find are BCAA's, CoQ10, creatine, and copious amounts of caffeine. These are things athletes often take as supplements.

What are BCAA's? BCAA's are Branched Chain Amino Acids. They are known to stimulate protein synthesis, increase muscle function, decrease your soreness after a workout, and even aid in repairing damaged muscles.

What's CoQ10? Coenzyme Q10 is found in the mitochondria of your cells and sparks energy production. It helps produce energy your body needs for cell growth and maintenance. People often take this as a dietary supplement when they feel tired or lethargic.

What's super creatine? Creatine does a great job in enhancing athletic performance by aiding growth of lean body mass (AKA muscle). When you take creatine orally, the amount in your muscles increase and helps regenerate ATP more efficiently. According to the nutrition label, this so-called "super" creatine is bonded to Leucine to make Creatyl-L-Leucine. On SupplementReviews.com, a VPX Sports representative allegedly said the following about the Super Creatine in the drink:

"The creatine in there is actually something very special...it is the world's only water stable creatine. It is Creatine-Leucine peptide. Think of this...if you mix creatine in water, it sinks and if you mix leucine in water, it floats....if you combine the two into a peptide, it creates a water soluble and water-stable form of creatine. It also has a fatty acid chain that makes it easier to cross the blood brain barrier. The focus of the super creatine is not for muscle function, but for cognition...by combining this form of creatine with caffeine, it works synergistically for mental focus."

How much caffeine is in one can? In one can of BANG, you'll be blessed with 300mg of caffeine. This is the equivalent to over three cups of coffee.

Is that even safe? Yeah, it is. In order for the caffeine in the energy drink to be lethal at any capacity, I would have to drink 30.7 cans.

So, what are the downsides? There are two things that come to mind. One is that consumers have no idea how much BCAA's, CoQ10, or creatine is actually in the drink. It could very likely be trace amounts too small to do anything beneficial. Two, BANG energy drinks do not go through the FDA approval process.

Is it really that good? Well, out of 113 reviews of the product on Bodybuilding.com, there's an average 9.6 overall rating. Most reviews comment on the quality of the energy, the cognitive focus, and the non-existent crash once the drink wears off.

What kind of flavors can I get? There are currently eight BANG energy drink flavors on the market: Black Cherry Vanilla, Cotton Candy, Sour Heads, Star Blast, Blue Razz, Champagne Cola, Power Punch, and Lemon Drop.

Where can I buy BANG energy drinks? You can find BANG energy drinks at Amazon, your local GNC or Vitamin Shoppe retailers, Bodybuilding.com, VPX Sports' website, some gas stations, and privately owned retailers.

How expensive are they? This depends on where you make your purchase. The cheapest place to purchase your BANG energy drinks is at Bodybuilding.com for about $2.00 per can. You can find similar prices on Amazon and at your local retailers. The energy drinks are most expensive through the VPX website where you'll pay about $2.75 per can.

How does BANG compare to other energy drinks? I'll give you some data on nutrition facts and you can make your decisions based on that:

16 oz. BANG: 300mg caffeine, 0g carbohydrates, 0g sugar.

16 oz. Monster Energy (regular): 160mg caffeine, 54g carbohydrates, 54g sugar

16 oz. Red Bull (regular): 160mg caffeine, 56g carbohydrates, 56g sugar

16 oz. Rockstar (regular): 144g caffeine, 54g carbohydrates, 54g sugar

Cover Image Credit: Youtube

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There's A Monster That Lives Inside Me, But That Doesn't Define Me

Anxiety doesn't define you, you define anxiety.
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When people see me, they don't think anxiety, only my close family and friends know about my anxiety and even they don't really know.

I have lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It started off as a simple fear of something sticking to me but then turned into a fear of blood which escalated into a fear of hospitals/doctors that is now anything and everything.

Something as simple as eye contact or something as extreme as a doctor's appointment can cause my anxiety to flair.

My anxiety can lead to several different things, passing out which is by far the worst (usually I smack the floor and stay unconscious for around 30 seconds) or it can be as mild as a simple anxiety attack.

I say simple but in reality, there is nothing simple about having to leave a restaurant in the middle of dinner or having to get up and walk out of a 200+ student lecture hall because you can't breathe.

I can't control what happens. I lose all control of my own body, this is a monster.

The monster takes over and I can't do anything to save myself.

This has to be the single most depressing thing I've ever had to deal with, to feel helpless to the point of not knowing what your body is going to do is terrible.

Explaining something you don't understand yourself is hard. I have never met another human that understands my anxiety, I don't ever expect to. All anxiety is bad and not all anxiety is the same, someone doesn't just have “good" anxiety.

There comes a time where you have to make a decision: do you let it completely take over? Do you let your anxiety dictate everything you do in life?

This is where I draw the line. I will not live my everyday life worried about my anxiety and I sure won't let my anxiety get in the way of the things I want in life.

Do not let your anxiety define you. You are in charge, it's your body. Every day is going to be a battle. It's hard, and some days you will want to give up, believe me.

But take this negativity and turn it into something positive. Learn from it, let it make you stronger. It can only define you if you let it. Don't give your anxiety that power.

Stop thinking something is terribly wrong with you and you're not normal, you have anxiety, it's something that you have to take control of and learn to live with.

It's terrible, but you can't keep convincing yourself that you're not normal, because you are.

Stop letting it define who you are as a person, you define it. You are better than the panic attacks in the middle of the night, you are stronger than that voice telling you to be afraid.

Be strong, that is the hardest thing to do but, in the end, it's all that will be able to get you through the darkness.

Everyone copes differently, but however you cope, make sure it's healthy. The more damage you bring to your body the worse the anxiety will get.

When I think of something living inside me, I think of Will from "Stranger Things" when he has part of the Demogorgon living inside him. Honestly, that wouldn't be as bad as what does lives inside me.

But I will conquer my inner demons and become better. I will not let anxiety define me, and neither should you.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash (Nicole Mason)

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