That picture up there is my journal. I have had this journal for the past 3 years (give or take a couple of months) and right now, within the two-inch thick binding, there are roughly 20 pages left. As this journal in my life comes to a close (literally), I decided to reflect on some of the things I have noticed and learned through this outlet.
I got this journal at the beginning of my senior year, and it has been with me through 13 trips to different Young Life camps, graduation, getting accepted into college, my freshman and sophomore year of college, and my start in leadership. This journal is a documentation of every milestone I have gone through, and probably most of my emotions and thoughts as well. When I began reading through entries from several years ago there were some things that I came to realize.
One of the changes that I have noticed is my handwriting. What went from extremely neat and uniformed turned into a sloppy cursive mess. Hopefully that isn't a metaphor for how life is going, but if it is I'm just going to assume that it means I'm not as uptight as I used to be.
Another thing that I noticed was that every event or change that I went through, that I was so nervous or unsure about, ended up better than I ever expected it to be. While it typically isn't super difficult to exceed my expectations - I'm definitely a worst-case scenario type of person - it was still cool to see how things turned out. While I most likely will still be a chronic worrier, it lessens that slightly by being able to look back at life and seeing the different things God has done, that I never would have expected or imagined, while I was scared for terrible things to happen.
What I learned the most about was done by talking with a friend the other night. I was reading through some of my oldest passages, and was upset with how some things have changed. Not necessarily for the better, but just different. She pointed out that we shouldn't always look to the past and try to resurface things that die. Rather, go to the NEW places that God is leading you, and see where that takes you.
It is great to be able to see the different ways that you have grown and changed over the years, but it also is important to continue to move forward, and not always have your eyes on the past.
