When did “talking” become a thing? How did real relationships become almost nonexistent? Our generation spends so much time getting to know someone for weeks or months on end with almost no intention of dating. If this isn’t the case for you, consider yourself lucky. Most of us, however, have “talked” to one (or maybe even a few) people who we considered great. He/she had many of the qualities we looked for in a significant other, but for some reason things never evolved.
Sure, the early stages of talking to someone are fun. The two of you discuss many meaningful topics such as, family, dreams, faith, music and the future. You begin to learn what makes the other tick, along with their little quirks. You also begin to learn one another’s habits, good and bad. You learn the classics - favorite song, movie, book(s), color and many other favorites. As time goes on, more and more personal things will be shared between the two of you. You will discuss problems either of you are having at school, with friends or with family. You become an outlet for one another.
Both of you have feelings for one another, but somehow months pass without the relationship developing into monogamy. No, we are not dating, we're “talking.” The two of you aren’t in a dating-type relationship but you aren’t just friends. It’s comparable to two very close friends who confide in one another, kiss and hold hands. Not to mention all of the unfulfilled expectations. This is when one of the two of you will begin questioning everything. The questions start to build in your mind. What is this? Where is this going? Where do we stand? What's the point? These questions are clichés that we’ve all heard and made fun of, but how else can you find out if you’re on a dead end road or not? Would you rather be left in the dark not knowing? No. I absolutely wouldn’t. Therefore, we, usually girls, ask. This is generally the beginning of the end.
Once the questions start, we generally get answers we don't want. Because when you think about it, there’s a reason the two of you aren’t dating. Why would you want to waste your time on someone who won’t even date you? I don’t know about anyone else, but if I put time and effort into someone, it’s because I see a future. That means marriage, kids, a house and dogs. Not everyone has the same heart or mindset as you, and that’s what you have to keep in mind.
Most people in his/her early 20s aren't looking to settle down. That’s fine. What is not fine, however, is how we tend to find this out. You know what I’m talking about. We text it. No wonder people in our generation never have closure over these types of situations. No wonder some of us are so bitter when it comes to relationships and love. We hardly ever go about it the right way.
Weeks down the road, people will ask you whatever happened to you and so-and-so, and it will be hard for you to explain. The two of you were never in a relationship, nor were you in love. So what’s the big deal?
The big deal is this happens all the time. People “talk” and get to know one another, then ruin it with commitment issues. Our generation is so afraid of love and rejection that we reject the idea all together. Sure, you “Netflix and chill” with someone and occasionally go out to eat, but it never develops into something real. Something our parents and grandparents have/had.
Drake describes our generation the best: “We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we’re together because we’re scared to see each other with someone else.”
It’s our fault it’s this way, but we can change it. Go on real dates. Buy flowers. Ask for parents’ permission. Put yourself out there and look past your fears. I don’t believe in soulmates, but your fear could keep you from finding your person.
