Why I Hate the "Talking" Phase
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Relationships

Why I Hate the "Talking" Phase

AKA, the most confusing thing to ever exist.

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Why I Hate the "Talking" Phase
The Notebook

I know I’m one of few, but I think the “talking” phase has to be the most annoying and confusing part of a relationship. That’s if you can even call it a relationship. I get it; it’s finding out about the person that you could potentially date. However, you’re basically hanging out as friends all of the time and kind of like each other. What do you tell your friends about this guy you’re hanging out with all of the time? How do you even begin to explain to your parents what “talking” is? I don’t even know how to describe it.

The term “talking” changes its meaning from person to person. To me, it means, “I like hanging out with you, but I can’t commit, so we’re going to spend the next few months in this weird limbo thing where we’re both super confused on what the other wants.” To me, it’s just a bunch of commitment issues and everything put into one big mess. While I do agree that the “talking” phase is beneficial for maybe a week or two, but after that, if you really like someone and hang out with them all of the time, why not actually date them? You like them, they like you, that’s all that matters. You can say you’re dating rather than having to explain for the millionth time what talking is, and what you mean when you say talking, because we all have different definitions of it.

I feel as if our generation has changed the face of dating. We don’t really date anymore; we just hang out with someone all of the time and do some things that couples do like kiss and hold hands, but we don’t actually commit. If we say it’s just talking, then one of the people in that weird limbo thing can justify that to talk to someone else...or multiple someone else’s. You don’t know, because you don’t know how much commitment is going into that “talking.” Why can’t we just date like the good ol’ days?

Why can’t we have the cute dates where you're not worried if doing this or that would be too much? With “talking,” you don’t know if you can introduce them to your parents or not. Can they meet the friends? Do they really like you, or are they just using you for something else? You have no idea. It’s as if everyone wants to skirt around the idea of dating. If you like someone, just go for it. You can say you’re dating someone, and the labels can come later. But, at least if you can say you’re dating, you’re a step up from “talking.”

I’ve been in relationships with the “talking” phase, and it’s just a big gray area. You have no idea what you can and can’t do with them like meeting family, inviting them out with your friends, or going on actual dates. It’s mainly just hanging out, and maybe going out on I guess a date every now and then. We don't want to assume anything. It sucks, and to be honest, it kind of makes you feel like crap that one of you can’t commit if you've been in this phase for more than a month. Maybe it’s both of you that want to be in that “talking” phase, and more power to you if you can figure all of that out. Personally, I can’t, and I don’t want to. I take things seriously, and if I like someone, I want to date them and call the guy my boyfriend, not this guy I’m "talking" to.

Fortunately for me, my boyfriend asked me to be official three days into it. For my generation, that’s scary and basically unheard of. However, I’ve never been happier, because all of that awkward “talking” stuff doesn’t apply. He can meet my family, come with me to social events with friends, go on cute dates where I don't have to worry if I'm being too much by holding his hand and I can send him emojis without wondering, “OMG, was that too much? That was too risky,” and feel ashamed of myself for that.

I know relationships are scary, and I do agree with saying you're "talking" to someone for maybe a few weeks at the most because you are trying to figure out who this person is. It's when it gets to months on end that worries me, because it makes you wonder why you're not in a relationship. There are all of these unanswered questions, and it causes anxiety and issues. For some people, talking works just fine, so maybe this is just me. But, I know we all have a lot of unanswered questions about it. So, why not be honest with how you feel, and get into that dating phase? It's so much more worth it than talking. If you can't see yourself moving further into that relationship, then maybe you need to end the "talking." Don't be selfish by holding onto something you know won't work out.

In the end, we are all pretty confused by what "talking" is, because everyone has a different definition for it. There are all different levels of commitment depending on the person, and you have to, without asking, find out what theirs is because you don't want to look like you're taking it too seriously when maybe you are. Dating is fun, and it takes a lot of the stress away to say that than "Oh, we're just talking." Just do what makes you happy, and if "talking" works for you, then go for it. But, why not put yourself out there? It's a scary world out there, but you got this. Don't be afraid to be yourself, and date. Enjoy it! After all, you are only young once.

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