When I was in high school, my friends and I would occasionally run out of things to discuss, in order to keep the conversation flowing we would start a game of "What if-". We talked about what we would do if we could time travel or if we won a million dollars, or we would hypothesize who we would marry if we could marry any celebrity. Though I always loved to ponder going back to the 60's, adopting a herd of puppies, and marrying John Krasinski, my favorite "what if" to think about was, and remains to be, "What if you were a man for ______ (amount of time)?" Over the years, I have compiled a list of positive experiences I would have as a man, they are what follows.
1. I could grow a beard.
So many men I know have facial hair, and without fail, they all talk about the enjoyment they get from their beards. I would love to have the chance to comb my fingers through the hair on my face, and oh I'm sure it would be nice to have the added warmth of facial hair in the winter. I'm certain I'd get sick of grooming and shaving eventually, but it would be worth the enjoyment that would come from stroking my mustache while laughing maniacally.
2. I could experience life from a "higher altitude."
Women on average are shorter than men. What I wouldn't give to have the chance to just try life six inches taller. It would be great if I could see the top shelves in our kitchen instead of feeling around with my hand while on my tiptoes. I'd love to be able to see all of the screen at a movie instead of squirming around for the first 30 minutes before finding the best possible position. Maybe, I'll walk into a few doorways, but I'd adjust, and maybe then I would be able to drive my dad's car without adjusting the seat.
3. I could pee standing up or anywhere I want, with ease.
It's pretty common knowledge that men and women are anatomically different. I do not think it would ever stop being fun to be able to use a urinal. I dream of the day that I could go hiking in the woods, and instead of holding in my urine until I get home or finding some leaves and a place to squat, I could just wander behind a tree and do the deed. Gone would be the days of sitting or squatting or waiting in line at the Lady's restroom. Long live, urinals!
4. Bras would go "bye-bye".
As we have already established, a woman's body is different from a man's; as such, certain items of clothing would no longer be pertinent. I'm talking about the bra. Girls around the world wait for the moment after a long day where they can take off their bras, men never have to experience this. Forget about wires digging into your sides or worrying about whether your bra can be seen through your shirt, as a man you can just wear a white shirt without figuring out if you have a clean bra that won't be seen. Now, what to do with the extra money you have now that you don't have to spend it at Victoria's Secret?
5. There would be no "time of the month."
Going off of this anatomy thing, periods would be a thing of the past. There would be no pain from cramps or issues with bloating. Cheap college kids would not have to compare the cost of tampons at Walgreens. My emotions could no longer be blamed on PMS. Our year would not be tainted by monthly reproductive organs causing upheaval.
6. I could order a steak without stares.
If I were a boy, I could stop feeling obligated to get a salad. When I go out to eat, whether consciously or not, I tend to steer away from any "manly" food. I can only imagine how freeing it would be to go to a restaurant and order a huge so-rare-it's-bloody steak. I dream of ordering an outrageously large meal without getting weird side glances from the waiter.
7. I could take up more room on the subway.
They call it MAN SPREADING. There are pictures all over the internet of men taking up three spots on the subway, I want that. I'm tired of feeling inclined to fit three women and a dog on one chair. While I'm a man, I intend to lounge across a whole row of seats on the subway, maybe I'll even go viral on the internet.
8. I would be considered a leader, instead of bossy.
As a male supervisor, my employees would respect me. I could tell people to complete tasks and set high expectations, without the fear that people would dislike me and use ill-mannered language to describe me. I would be encouraged throughout my life to speak up and go for what I think I deserve. People would not wonder who I bribed or what dirty deeds I did. I would be given free reign to have authority.
9. I could feel comfortable going solo.
I could be a lone wolf on occasion. Gone would be the days where I would hold my keys like a shank and have my phone on speed dial just so that I could walk to my car without fear. I'd be permitted to venture out to foreign places. As a man, I would not be told to be on the lookout for muggers and rapists. Oh how I dream of a solo trip to 7-11.
10. I would be considered a stud, instead of a slut.
Want to be promiscuous during your college years? As a man, you would be applauded:I "Go you, you had a new girl over every night!". So what if those girls are "bimbos", you got it on. Women who have similar sexual drives, are labeled sluts. But as a man, I could walk around with my head high, because I'm a player, a baller, or a hunk.
11. I wouldn't be catcalled.
As I walk down the street in all my manly glory, I will likely find it surprisingly quiet. It won't matter what I'm wearing or what I look like, there will be a definitive lack of sound coming from the men walking past me or sitting outside the bar, because I'll be one of them. I won't hear the whistles or shouts of "sexy" from half drunk men. I'll be able to walk taller, because the demeaning calls won't be there to pull me down into the mud.
12. I would be getting paid $1 for the work that would usually get me $.75
It's funny how, in this dream world, I'd suddenly be making a quarter more than I will in reality. No matter my career choice, I could expect to make significantly more than what I am expected to earn now. In the long term, I can expect to have earned twice as much money over the course of my life as a man. Furthermore, my male version will have been taught by society that it is acceptable to negotiate a higher salary, something my female self will likely struggle to do. Sure, I won't be wearing heels and a skirt to work as a man, but I think it's worth it in the end.
13. If born in some developing countries, I would be educated longer and married at a later age.
Upon considering this question on a global scale, the opportunities afforded me become even more exciting. If born in Africa, I will be 1.55 times more likely to complete secondary education than my female counterpart. My education will also provide me with more ample opportunity to find a suitable spouse. If born in say Niger, I will be married 8 years later, than my female counterpart. Furthermore, I will have more of a voice in my marriage.
14. In some countries, I would be allowed to live past birth.
In countries such as China or India, this simple dream could mean life or death as more and more baby girls are dying before turning a year old. Female infanticide is significantly higher than male infanticide in these nations. The likelihood of dying as a baby would drop by half if I were a boy born in China in recent years. Maybe I would struggle with other issues, but at least I'd be alive or wanted by my family. That one day of being a boy instead of a girl would make or break the rest of my life.
The lyrics to "If I Were a Boy", by Beyoncé, come to mind, as the stigma attached to being a woman becomes more obvious. Why should these discrepancies occur just because my sex dictates it to be so? Why must I dream of this world of equality, instead of live in it? Why should a physical change affect my social standing? These are the questions that surface when this simple game starts. I hope that someday this list ends after number five, but I fear that we have a long road before that is the reality.
