I don't even know how to begin this article. Writing about this election year and its candidates is liking writing a failed idea for The Twilight Zone. We've got Donald Trump: A sentient cheeto with a penchant for inspiring bigotry and nationalism, and Hillary Clinton: A potential android whose sole purpose is to ask you what you'll like and say she'll fight for it. We've got two very different candidates to choose from, so how exactly should we judge them?

Hillary Clinton is famously known in conservative circles for being the bloodthirsty murderer who personally sacrificed four Americans to terrorists. Am I recalling events incorrectly? No, and that's because a large majority of conservative politicians and pundits perpetrate the idea of her being a step down from Satan. The truth in this matter is that yes, four Americans were killed. They were killed by a terrorist organization named Ansar Al-Sharia as well members of Al-Qaeda in response to an anti-Islamic video, Innocence of Muslims. It's theorized that this was a convenient excuse to attack a diplomatic compound and it may have been, but the real bone that Clinton's critics have to pick is whether or not she personally did enough to bolster security and defend the compound. It is true that security was lax at the compound and the reasoning behind this was the State Department's need for discretion in the area. Should there have been more security? Absolutely. I am not and probably will never be in the same career position that Mrs. Clinton was, but it is completely logical to think that she did not pore over every detail that her department handled. Critics would like to hold her personally responsible for not having done enough, but the truth is that one person is not responsible for the deaths of the four Americans in the attack. Which is why four assistants to the secretary who are believed to have handled the details of security at the compound were fired. It doesn't make up for the lives lost and never will, but Clinton was never found culpable of any personal wrongdoing in the attacks.

Next on the list is the email scandal. During her tenure as Secretary, she sent and received government emails on a private terminal. This was considered by many to be a breach of federal protocol, and a criminal investigation was launched to discover any wrongdoing. Throughout a long and arduous year of investigating, it was discovered she sent and received classified information. Yes, this was a stupid decision. She handled the transfer of government documents like an average citizen, which was extremely negligent and careless. Does this show a mistake and lack of tact on her part? Yes, but in the end no criminal charges were filed and the situation was put to bed. It should stay there and not be paraded or drug around due to the finality of the ruling.

Now on the chopping block we have America's unnaturally tan, nationalist strongman, Donald Trump. A man with no real political experience or social awareness, Donald Trump preaches the message of so many tyrants worldwide, "Our country sucks and I'm the one who can make it better." A man who has literally said he would not rule out nuking Europe or the Middle East, insulted a deceased veteran's family because of their criticism of him, thrown a baby out of a pep rally after shaming the mother for even having it there, has no conceivable plan for economic "recovery" other than a team full of six guys named Steve who aren't actually economic experts, said immigrants were roaming the streets threatening American families, called someone, "my African American", has had four of his properties file chapter 11 bankruptcy and then admitted to gaming the system because it benefited him, and insulted the pope for whatever reason. The list goes on and I could find things that would be worse, but none of it ever seems to affect his supporters.

There are three kinds of Donald Trump supporters: The poor people who are actually conned into believing he's some sort of savior who can tell China to go to hell and simultaneously "revive" our economy with his star spangled-ness, the people who are voting along party lines because they don't like Democrats, and the jackasses who want to spread their brand so they hop on the Trump train before it inevitably derails and rams into a building. Now, let's tackle the first group. Many Americans feel (the operative word being feel) that their once great country is now a global laughing stock. We export jobs too often, negotiate with evildoers, let in godless immigrants and *GASP* Muslims, and don't focus enough on rebuilding our economic growth. A rallying cry I once saw from a Trump supporter was, "Defeat the globalists at all cost!" which is the very definition of ignorance. You see, Globalism is the reason you can bitch about how evil those gosh darn liberals are on your iPhones made in China, the reason you get to observe the world and have access to all known knowledge that mankind possesses in the palm of your hand, and that you can fly to England in eight hours. Without Globalism, you don't get the privileges you have now and you don't matter. You can cower at your dinner tables and get as angry as you want about the world leaving you behind, but you're the only thing holding yourself back. Maybe you don't want to move forward with the world and that's fine. Progress is different from what you know. It's new, exciting, and nerve wracking at the same time. You want a man with the class and tact of a garbage can to bring your terrible reality into existence, but really what you need is to understand the world you want is in the past and if you want to live your days wishing for it, sit in your house and let progress pass you by.

The second group of voters is as bad as the first. There's no sort of moral responsibility left for these people. Their beloved party has compromised everything it stood for to let someone who doesn't represent a majority of the top brass be their nominee. The death knell for the Republican Party rang when Donald Trump took the pissed off frat bro demographic and turned it into cohesive distortion of anger. Now people are just voting for him because they feel like Hillary will be worse, or because they "can't bring themselves" to vote for someone they share so few policy similarities with. Newsflash: I've never once had the thought in the back of my mind that Hillary Clinton would lead us into a nuclear war, but with Donald Trump I'm pretty sure it's a daily thought at the front of every sane person's brain. Regardless of your policy beliefs, look at the one who has advisers, experience, tact, and composure, and then look at the angry orangutan with a mop on his head. Does he still seem like a good choice to represent this country? Your rebuttal might be, "Well Hillary is a MURDERER/LIAR and I don't want her representing me." I kindly urge you to stop, calmly think, and then pull your head out of your ass. Honesty is a direct contradiction to politics, and self preservation is something that all of us possess. So please, preserve the amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesties you love so much and vote for someone who actually knows what they're doing.

The final group is a fun one to watch because of how truly transparent their deeds are. Milo Yiannopolous is a member and in all of his offensive glory he does nothing better than sell his brand, and sell his brand does he. Yiannopolous has a storied history of supporting backwards causes, such as Gamergate, and Breitbart, a right leaning news source with such extreme bias that it's as if Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity had a special night together and nine months later a monster popped out. Yiannopolous has an acidic audience and throws his support to any offensive cause because it gets him a larger audience and press. I do believe for all of his bullshit that he shouldn't have been banned from Twitter because that just made him a martyr. There's not really changing Milo or people like him because they're only interested in themselves and what they can gain.

You made it to the end of this article! I know that felt like a slog at points, but I hope it was worth the read for you. I don't know if I upset you or enlightened you, but either way you have an important decision this November. Use logic and critically observe each candidate, and in the immortal words of Ted Cruz, "vote your conscience this November."