The Thing Generation Makes Dating Far Too Complicated

Welcome To The 'Thing' Generation Where Dating Is The Most Complicated And Even Worse Than Hookup Culture

So we aren't FWBs, but also not in a relationship?


Alright, there's something that needs to be talked about that just isn't getting the attention it deserves. That something is the "thing" relationship. The type of relationship that doesn't even have an actual name because no one knows what the f*ck it is.

"Are so-and-so dating?"

"No, they just have a 'thing' right now."

"Oh, makes sense."

Like, whaaaaaaaat?!

At least in hookup culture, everyone is hooking up just to hook up and that's that. In "thing" culture, it's not as cut and dry.

It seems like everyone is in a "thing" or recovering from a failed "thing" these days.

It's really fun when your parents ask who so-and-so is and whether or not you're dating and you're just like, "No, we have a thing." And your parents are like "What?" And you're like, yeah, I don't really know either.

So what is a thing?

Basically, it's when two people are interested in each other but they don't want to date but they're kind of exclusive but they're not technically exclusive and if either hooked up with another person they'd be upset but they can't be upset because they're not exclusive and ahhh — do you have a headache yet? Because I do.

This generation hooks up first, then if they like each other they might get coffee or dinner to see if there's an emotional connection in addition to the physical connection. When you start to add in that emotional connection — that's when things get messy. It's not like you hookup one night to meet your physical needs and then you never talk again.

There's this awkward mix of physical and emotional attraction in which you want to see this person more but you don't know whether to hit them up with the "U up?" Snapchat at 2 a.m. or ask them to get coffee sometime after class.

As a girl, this whole "thing" era is confusing and emotionally exhausting. The guy you have a thing with might take you out on dates, stay the night, have deep conversations with you, meet your friends, make time to see you, et cetera, and then end it all after one to two weeks for what appears to be no real reason.

You're left confused wondering what you did wrong. "Was I not good at the physical stuff? Am I too annoying? Do I need to be thinner or prettier? Was I too available? Should I have watered myself down so that he would've liked me more?"

I'm not a guy so I can't completely say my piece on how they function when it comes to their end of "things," but I have asked some of my guy friends for their thoughts on the matter. Their reasons for ending these things have been that they didn't have time to be emotionally invested in someone, they weren't over their ex, they didn't want to be tied down to anyone because they wanted to hook up with other people, and probably the simplest reason — they were too immature to realize what they had.

So... what can we do about it?

Know what you want. If you want one-night no-contact hookups, go for it. If you want a friend with benefits, leave out the coffee dates and study sessions. If you want someone to get coffee with, study with, nap with, go on dates with, then let whoever you're interested in know that so you know if they want that too.

Be honest with people.

These "things" are messy and exhausting. You don't know if they are seeing other people, you don't know if you should ask them to get coffee or not, you feel rejected when you hit them up late at night and they say "Nah," and so on.

Most importantly, you have to know what you want. If you are looking for a relationship, don't settle for "maybes" and "I don't knows." You're only wasting your time and effort on someone short term when you could be saving it for someone long-term. On the other end, it's not fair for you to act all relationship-y with someone if you know they're interested in more than late nights and you're not.

"Thing" culture can't be cut out completely but you personally can decide that it's not for you if it isn't.

Communicate what you want and where you stand with someone to them. If they don't see a future with you when you bring it up, then they're not the one and at least you know before you waste your energy. If you just want a hookup or friend with benefits, make that clear.

The "thing" culture is exhausting and the only way to pull yourself out of it is by knowing what you want and being honest.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Health and Wellness

This Survey Shows How Quarantine And Drinking Relate, And I Can't Say I'm Surprised

"5 o'clock somewhere" is more of a guideline now than ever.

As it stands, and my friends and I are finally 21. We're extremely excited to be able to go out to bars and "get lit" as the kids say, but due to the pandemic, all of our plans have been put on hold. We'd rather wait and go when it's safe than risk spreading the infection and hurting our loved ones. So, we've all been quarantining apart, getting on the occasional wine zoom call. This made me wonder if anyone else our age were doing the same thing.

Then, I discovered this survey: We Surveyed Millennials And Gen Z About Their Quarantine Drinking Habits — Cheers. Here are 3 things that I discovered through the survey results.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.

My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments