Anyone that knows me knows that my dream is to live in New York City when I get older. People always ask me, “Why New York?”, and I go, “Well why not New York?”, but the real reason is the way it made me feel when I visited. I’ve had this dream for the past year and a half, and it started when I realized I wanted to work in finance, and what better place than the financial capital of the world? In the summer of 2015 is when I came to this realization, and I also wanted to be in New York because that’s where my cousin is, who was the person I looked up to and idealized at the time. I aspired to be like him one day, and if he could work in finance in New York then why couldn’t I? So there I was, holding on to a dream of living in a city I had never been to. Then in the fall of 2015 I came across the Model United Nations, a program at my university, and the conference was in New York. Immediately I was hooked, because it was going to give me the chance to visit my future home for the first time. Little did I know how much work the course would be, but that’s a story for another time.

So then fast forward to March of this year; I’m getting ready to leave for my trip, but something is holding me back. All of a sudden I didn’t want to go anymore because I didn’t like that I was leaving on shaky terms with some people in Augusta. I wasn’t feeling confident in school, and I was starting to reevaluate my whole life and what I wanted to do. Obviously I went on the trip because it wasn’t an option at this point, so reluctantly I got on the plane, and as soon as the wheels touched down at the LaGuardia airport my whole attitude changed. I was immediately in love with New York and we weren’t even in Manhattan yet. As the van was taking us from the airport to our hotel, all I could do was stare out the window in awe of all the buildings and the people. As soon as I stepped out of the van and onto the pavement of Manhattan I knew that I was home. As soon as we checked in and got up to our rooms, we put our luggage down and left right away to start sight-seeing, and this is when everything became clear to me.

There’s nothing quite like walking around unfamiliar cities that really make you think about who you are, who you want to be, and where you want to be. That’s probably the thing I loved most about New York. While I was wandering around the city. I could clearly picture myself there in the future. Who I was and who I want to be became crystal clear. The city isn’t for everyone, but the one’s it’s made for, they are the lucky ones. This was no longer just a fun school trip, but it’s where I could imagine having all my life experiences. I want to fall in love in New York, and I want to get my heart broken there, because I truly believe the city is the cure for everything. It makes love 100 times stronger ad heart ache easier to handle. I told someone a few months ago that I didn’t think I wanted to live in the city anymore, but I knew immediately after I said that it was a lie. And that’s another beautiful thing about the city, it hits you just at the right moments, even months after you’ve left it.

Thinking back on my time in New York, I remember the calmness I had over me that entire week. There was no anxiety about school, my future, or the people I was leaving behind. It’s like all my troubles disappeared that week, and that’s why I’m desperate to go back as soon as I can. Lately I’ve been having a hard time, thinking that basically I’m a failure at school, that I won’t even make it to New York, and that all my friends don't want to be around me anymore. My big diamond and my best friend are some of the most important people in my life right now, and to feel like I’m losing both of them is almost too much to bear some days. Other days I think about the likelihood of getting to spending the rest of my life with the person that I love, and realizing the likelihood of that is not high.

The reason I want to go back to New York so badly is because I want that feeling of inner peace again, and I don’t think I can get that anywhere else. The city taught me peace and tranquility, which are two things I had never experienced before then. When I was standing on top of the Empire State Building, it’s like I was breathing air for the first time in my life. That is when the peacefulness really hit me for the first time. It’s funny, because even though I had never been to the city before I felt like I was coming home. My soul was awakened for the first time ever that week, and I don’t think I will ever find that experience anywhere else. During that week I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, and I want more than anything to experience that happiness again.

So this is what I mean when I say “Why not New York?”