College is new.
There is no experience that we've had before this that can wholly prepare us for what we're about to enter and begin. Maybe we've had parts of it before, the difficult classes and teachers, living with people in a large house at camp, and even living where you're learning. But for most of us, we've never moved away from home to start our lives anew and prepare for adulthood, that elusive, daunting, and vaguely sinister goal we are all supposed to have.
What are we supposed to expect? Many parents or older siblings may offer help, insight, and advice, so these worries may not apply to everybody. But this is for those of us who are the first to go to college in our families or (for children of immigrants) the first to attend college in this country (for college is different in every country). We have no expectations, because all we have heard are stories and all we have seen from our numerous tours are small snapshots of our school of choice rather than the whole picture. College is the biggest new thing we have ever experienced, aside from being brought into this world. Our whole lives have been, more or less, a lot of the same. Now we are becoming adults with responsibilities and jobs and research papers and, eventually, a degree. Our best friends are leaving us to go hundreds of miles away, and we're forced to start over, both socially and academically. This is a frightening notion, especially for those of us who haven't been exposed to the world of academia prior to researching schools.
In addition, all we hear about post-college life is terrifying. Today, around 40 million Americans have outstanding student loans, and the numbers are only growing. There are very few people in the country who exit college without a substantial amount of student loans, and neither politicians nor banks nor the government have many plausible recourses for paying back these exorbitant amounts of money. Student loans are a very real cause of anxiety, and a very valid one at that.
Personally, my anxieties come when I pack, or at least when I attempt to pack. Currently, I have three large boxes filled with school supplies, a desk lamp, books, a package of socks, a suitcase flung open on my bedroom floor half filled with clothes, four crates in various stages of falling over, and a pile of my bedding necessities on top of what used to be a bookshelf. I cannot visualize cramming all of this, plus my massive cello case, into my van—then driving to my dorm and unloading everything. All I can hope for is that I don't overpack and that nothing falls out of place.
However, upon reflection of where I stand—with two weeks left to move in day, very little packed, and so many loose ends to tie up at home,I can't think of a better position to be in. This is what I've dreamed of for so long: buying books and dorm decor and bedding, picking classes, talking to my roommates, and finding out my housing. When I'm most worried and anxious about my future, I remember that this is what I've been working towards and dreaming about my whole life, and my fears are quashed.
