So . . . dating. The act of one person actively trying to find a mate. It's messy and awkward, but it can also be wonderful and lead to some snazzy wedding presents in the future.
Now, I'm no expert on the subject, but I like to think that, at 22-years-old, I know what I would like in a significant other. Even better than this, though, is knowing what I don't want. Process of elimination, you know, is a much easier way to go.
In making my list of "Don'ts," I realized that some of these, while strange, are pretty applicable when you think about it. Yeah, there are the obvious ones, like "doesn't like dogs" or "doesn't support my life goals" or "is a convicted serial killer," but I'm talking about the little things that you might not immediately think of but are irksome nevertheless.
1. They fold towels the wrong way
A'ight, so I know it's a pretty "adult" point to start with, but there is a correct way to fold a towel. I know it, and if you don't know it, either ask me and never do it another way again or leave my presence forever.
It comes down to looking at the future. How are we supposed to have a home together if we don't share towel ideals? How will we raise the children?
2. They like kale
Look, I'm all for being healthy, but I draw the line at kale. Kale is spinach's angry cousin who wasn't hugged enough as a child, and that's tons of emotional baggage that I don't want in my vegetables.
There's also a big difference with accepting kale and actually liking it. If you're like, "Yeah, I need some antioxidants in this smoothie, and it was on sale," feel free to hit me up. If you're making full-on salads with it, I'm afraid you cannot hit me up. Ever.
3. They won't duet "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
GiphyOkay, so we don't have to be Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé level of duet. That's an ultra mega level of awesomeness that just has to stand alone.
However, I like to sing, and when I say, "like," I mean that 80 percent of my day is spent singing to some type of song. If you're not belting right along with me or at least giving me a standing ovation at the end of the song, then I'm going to have to ask you to leave the show, no refunds available.
4. They have no interaction with literature
This might be a bit more personalized on my end, but I'm an English major. I legitimately want to teach the youth of America about the wonders of literature. It's one of my passions, and I'm definitely going to be talking about it quite often.
I get that reading isn't everyone's "thing." I'm not asking you to read the Odyssey, for Pete's sake. Choose something you're interested in. A medical journal, a comic book, an article about pants, whatever. Just prove to me that you're literate, and we'll get along swimmingly.
5. They hate board games
Have you ever met a decent, good-hearted individual who has said, "I despise board games, they are the scum of the earth, and I rue the day they were invented," and meant it?
No. Because that person doesn't exist. Board games are pure and remind us of our childhoods.
Also, if iCarly taught me anything, I would never trust anyone who would use "rue" correctly anyway.
6. They criticize my driving skillz
I'll admit that I drive like a crazy woman late for her parole meeting, I will. I have a tendency to swerve in and out of traffic and to speed more than my fair share.
However, just because my bad driving is an established fact doesn't mean that fact is up for commentary. Clench your jaw and grip your seatbelt like the rest of my passengers. I pinky promise we'll get to our destination quickly and with lots of adventure.
7. They don't laugh at dad jokes
Dad jokes are funny, okay? They may be the "lowest form of humor," but I'm all about a stupid joke to get the giggles rolling.
If you can't laugh at a dad joke, either because it's legitimately funny or because it's legitimately the worst joke you've ever heard, what in the world can you laugh at?
8. They binge-watch The Home Shopping Network
I'm a fan of watching TV. Whether it be a new, binge-worthy show or a movie I've seen seven billion times, it's a great bonding experience that I'm all for sharing with a significant other.
I absolutely draw the line at the Home Shopping Network. I cannot and will not binge-watch a slew of large gemstone rings and super-mega-ultra microwaves. I would watch a string of infomercials (go Flex Seal) before I would listen to Nora and Stacy tell me that I must have this wool sweater dress in navy blue and burnt umber.
9. They wear toe socks
Picture this: You and your potential significant other have just returned to their place after dinner and are ready to relax. They walk in and kick off their shoes to reveal brightly colored toe socks.
Now, I'm not trying to dog someone's fashion choices, as I have some interesting quirks myself. But toe socks? TOE SOCKS!? I sincerely apologize, but I'd have to turn around and quickly exit before I started laughing in their face.
10. They don't support my late-night nugs runs
As I may have mentioned once or twice, I'm a fan of McDonald's chicken nuggets. They're a supreme comfort food, and are good at any and all times of the day.
If you can't support my nugs runs, then I'm going to have to assume you don't approve of my self-care, and that's just not okay all around.
Which deal-breakers do you agree with?
