When COVID-19 made its way over to the US I was, as everyone else, VERY stressed. And like many others, when I'm stressed, I eat. I ate and ate and ate and was constantly staying at home with little space to exercise. I certainly could've gotten out there and ran, but as a self-proclaimed unathletic fat girl, ellipticals are more my cup of tea.
And so began months of only gaining weight at a faster rate than I ever had before.
At the same time, I was learning to love myself.
I saw so many influencers on Instagram, like Heather Michele, Michelle Nayla, and Adelia Lauren, living their best lives, modeling amazing clothes, and being truly amazing women all around. I wondered why I wasn't giving myself the same love as I was to others with my body type.
On TikTok, a trend began and I saw how others often see bigger bodies, even if they claim that it's untrue.
Ruby Crawford (@rubycrawford0) has created a short video on TikTok with music original sound. | ft the dirty joggers #fyp #foryou #foryoupage
After these videos began surfacing, I realized that if others were gonna degrade my body type and my girls like this, it was time for me to finally be an ally for myself and all my other big girls and boys in the world.
I started buying clothes, no matter how "chubby" they'd make me look. I started posting the pictures I looked the happiest in, not the ones I looked the slimmest in. I started appreciating how my curves filled out my favorite outfits.
And at some point, something clicked. I began to love my body again for the first time in a long time.
I don't know which came first, the new-found love for myself or my new-found appreciation for wearing whatever the f*ck I want, but the outcome was still the same.
I'm not perfect and I certainly have some days where I wish I was smaller. However, I think I'm finally at a point where I know if I lose weight it's because I am being healthy and weight loss just happened to come with it. Whereas in the past, exercise for me was only a way to lose weight and I didn't really care about the healthy part.
I'm officially above 270 pounds and I'm here to tell all my other self-proclaimed fat girls to go wear that dress! Wear that crop top! Look hot in those shorts! Wear what you truly love rather than what "flatters" your body most.
Because once you start looking confident on the outside, your self-love slowly starts growing on the inside, too.
Your mental and physical health is so much more important than how society says we should look, anyway. Healthy minds lead to healthy bodies.