Life would be easier if it just shook you by the shoulders when you need to make some changes in your life. Sadly, life isn’t a straight, neat path. It’s a mess of paths that are not even filled with neon signs guiding you to where you should be going. Signs can be obvious but easy to ignore, or they can be only found if you seek them. Sometimes, what you need in life comes for you even if you never asked for it. A lot of the time, it’s up to you to find your way and hope you get it right. This week threw various obvious and obscure signs at me. There are some I still have to figure out, but I like to think this week is going to change me for the better.
One day, I felt anxious about nothing. Something prompted me to leave Wofford and drive. I had no destination; I just needed to drive off the issues. Nico’s “Chelsea Girl” served as the soundtrack to my drive since I cannot be in a silent car, and “These Days” felt like my theme song during that time. I headed to the west side of Spartanburg, then went down 215 to Roebuck, then turned on one of the back roads to go to Pauline. These are all places I am familiar with, but I hadn’t been in Pauline or Roebuck in months. As I drove, I only thought about Nico and memories provoked by places, with my train of thought occasionally being interrupted by decisions regarding where I was headed. By the time I was heading out of Pauline, I switched the soundtrack to Lou Reed’s “Transformer.” Transformed I was. I realized I really needed to head out more since sunlight is good for you, especially when winter’s coming. Besides, my anxiety had melted away the longer I drove. I’ve taken anxiety medication in the past, but it never worked as well as that drive.
This weekend, I was fortunate enough to experience the greatest night so far in my life. I am not going into much detail since some memories are best left shared by those who were apart of them. I had conversations that came easy. I had so much fun without any regret. I even went to Kappa Sigma and enjoyed a party. I am not the type to even enjoy partying, but I have to say that was a party I’m glad I had the chance to go to. Ugly Christmas sweaters and Christmas music makes everyone sillier and realer before you even add alcohol. The way I was that night in comparison to the way I normally am has made it clear I should be more open and relaxed because I much prefer that version of myself.
The only bad part about that night was losing my wallet, but I didn’t realize it until the morning after. I kept my cool until I realized my life was in that wallet. I had my Social Security card in there; I have since stored it in a better place because that’s something that shouldn’t be in a wallet. I had my mom’s credit card in there since I was trusted to order presents for our friends and family. I wish I knew who turned my wallet to Campus Safety, because they are a great person. I even had cash left in my wallet, which is very fortunate since there is little money in my bank account. Anyway, canceling and replacing cards and my license would have been an arduous task. Other than not placing my Social Security card in my wallet, I have learned to be more aware of what I have and don’t have on me. I can be scatter-brained, and this incident has prompted me to work on not being lackadaisical when it comes to keeping track of my stuff.
I have had at least two conversations about religion this weekend. These conversations have made me put a lot of thought about what the beliefs of Atheism cannot explain. Near-impossible chances of explosions and ideal conditions to host life. Simple organisms somehow evolving into complex beings. Charles Darwin didn’t mean evolution to be a theory that stood the test of time, but no one has been able to propose a logical explanation for how some organisms could change so much from the beginning of time, and adaptation to climate is just not enough of a reason for an organism to change level of complexity. Also, there are some incredible events in life that seem to have only been the result of what some people call “fate.” It doesn’t matter if they are wonderful or terrible; they seem to have been meant to happen. At the moment, I deem myself a Theist. I don’t know if religion is something I will ever be a believer in, but I do feel motivated to spiritually explore. I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I would like to learn a lot about various religions. I’ll go where I am led to.
A series of moments that seem insignificant when it comes to determining character was all I needed to understand who I am and who I should be at this point in my life. Changes that stem from societal pressure or your own worst qualities should be rejected, but positive change should be embraced. Change is not always easy to swallow, but it is necessary if you would like to improve rather than remain the same or degrade. You may significantly change more than once in your life, and that is fine, assuming you are evolving into someone greater each time your perspective changes. I encourage everybody to not ignore the signs that come about when you need them.
