Dear Mr. Turner,
I want to start of saying I have no sympathy for you, you can sit there and wallow in your own puddle of self pity and fake tears all you want, no one but your parents feel sorry for you. Why? Because you are a despicable, spineless, worthless excuse for a human being. People like you are the reason I flinch at the snap of a twig, the reason I box, the reason I carry a knife on me at all times. And the worst part is you have no idea how much damage you have done. You have no idea how much damage and pain you have caused this young woman, nonetheless when she had absolutely no control over her own body or the situation. You may never read this, even if you don’t it needs to be said it needs to be known because what you have done may very well ruin your life, which it should, you deserve every last bit of suffering because it can never compare to what this young woman is to face in trying to move on from what you did to her.
Clearly you have no idea just the amount of trauma rape, assault, and sexual abuse can have on the victim. So you can continue to sit there and brood or stand the f*** up and be a man, take responsibility for your actions, and try your best though it will never be good enough to apologize for your actions.
Victims of rape, sexual abuse, and assault are six times more likely to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder which can lead to symptoms such as nightmares, feelings of emptiness, memory loss, guilt, shame, loss of appetite, and hearing/seeing things that aren't actually there. You violated this young woman, assaulted her and she now has to deal with the obstacles of mental health in trying to heal, the time it will take for her to heal will be extensive, she may never be 100% as she was before you hurt her, and you in no way have anything to feel sorry for, other than your own actions. I cannot even fathom how you and your parents can even feel any self pity. I’m disgusted that as a woman your mother feels sorry for you rather than disgust and disappointment. She even goes so far as to ask the judge to go easy on you.
Well let me ask you something Mr. Turner,
How would you feel if this happened to your mother? How would your father feel if a random man RAPED your unconscious mother behind a dumpster? How would you feel if you had to watch her be in pain every day, while the man who caused her so much suffering gets coddled through his trial? How would you feel if people felt sorry for her attacker? How would that make you feel? Can you begin to understand just the amount of damage your actions have caused yet? If not don’t fret i’m far from finished with you Mr. Turner.
An issue that is forgotten when dealing with the trauma of rape, is sex after rape. How does one move forward after the trauma of rape in their romantic and sexual relationships? It’s not easy, and can vary victim to victim, but it’s something the victim will generally face. It may take them years to even feel comfortable talking to the opposite sex again, nevermind date or have any type of mental and or physical relationship with a person. This is something that is so often overlooked with victims of abuse. Where she stands right now is scared and afraid, her assault will trigger emotional thoughts and responses, she’s going to have anxiety about sex and relationships for a while, I can't say how severe or how long but, it is certain that your actions will have a severe impact on her psychological well being, in turn affecting her attempts to move forward and forget the past. Often times the victim may not even realize that the your actions that lasted about ten minutes can affect her for the rest of her life. So let me break this down for you Mr. Turner here is a list of overlooked after effects of sexual assault and rape.
1. Nobody tells you that you’ll feel guilty the first time you have a crush on a guy after your rape. Aren’t you supposed to hate men now? You shouldn’t even be thinking about boys. That’s what got you in trouble in the first place. (Oh, hey rape culture, how’d you get here?)
2. Nobody tells you that you’ll be called a tease when you draw the line at making out. Even though you’re pretty proud of yourself for this minor victory on your path to regaining any confidence in expressing your sexuality, some people will think you’re a prude because you won’t take off your pants.
3. Nobody tells you that the first time you do take off your pants in front of a potential partner you’ll cry almost immediately and put them back on, leaving without an explanation. You’ll feel embarrassed and stupid and you’ll wonder if you’re ever going to be capable of intimacy ever again.
4. Nobody tells you that masturbation is a healing practice (OK, maybe your therapist suggested it once or twice) and that realizing you’re capable of sexual satisfaction after rape is an incredible, powerful feeling.
5. Nobody tells you that your PTSD symptoms will be scoffed at. Your boundaries will be called “arbitrary” and you will be accused of “wielding sex as a weapon” and “putting yourself on a pedestal.”
6. Nobody tells you that the ‘rape talk’ will be a thing that has to happen before any romantic relationship gets too serious. Nobody lets you know that immature men will freak out and refer to your rape as “baggage” when they cut things off. And unfortunately, nobody mentions that some men will hold your hand and weep with you when you tell them, because they can’t believe anyone would be capable of hurting you.
7. Nobody tells you that there are men who are patient and kind. Some men will listen and support you and they will read and research and seek to understand. They will ask you what you like and what you don’t like, they will be explicit about their concerns, and they will treat you with respect and dignity.
8. Nobody tells you that the first few times you try sex again it might not go well. You might have a panic attack or a flashback, and you might scream or shake or cry or throw up or all of the above.
9. Nobody tells you that the first time you successfully, enjoyably have sex again is empowering, and freeing, and overwhelming. Even if it only lasts two minutes, it will feel like an enormous victory. You will be happy in a way you weren’t sure you would be happy again.
10. Nobody tells you that you may have difficulty achieving orgasm. Nobody tells you that men might feel offended or disappointed when you tell them you didn’t. Nobody tells you how uncomfortable it is to tell them it's not their fault and not be able to tell them why. Nobody tells you they may lose interest due to their insecurities.
11. Nobody tells you that it doesn’t work that way every time. PTSD isn’t cured by one blissful experience, and anxiety is a bitch. Sometimes you will burrow down deep in your comforter and wish you could just be NORMAL and have NORMAL sex like a NORMAL person. And it is frustrating.
12. Nobody tells you that people are capable of loving you after you’ve been raped, and that you are capable of loving back. You are allowed to give yourself to someone completely. Likewise, you are allowed to hold back. You are allowed to be fearful but you are also allowed to trust again.
13. Nobody tells you that just because he’s the first boy you slept with since your rape doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with him. You don’t “owe” anyone else your love or happiness or body.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/cj-hale/2013/06/12-thing...
There you have it Mr. Turner, I’m sure you like most had no idea about any of these after effects, but you also did not take the the time to think about them, you did not take the time to think about the way your actions could affect this woman for the rest of her life. You had a choice, and your decision carries the consequences to the wreckage you have created. Now you know, you are to be made into an example, for others, and maybe we can as a society abolish rape culture, and instead of people asking why was SHE raped, they will ask why did HE rape her. Let’s put an end to your self pity once and for all, and place the blame where it’s deserved. ON YOU!
