Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. This is so hard to wrap our minds around, given that it’s just not fair. Did those bad people deserve those good things? Did those good people deserve those bad things? These questions are impossible to answer, because we as humans don’t deserve anything. That statement is a harsh reality, I know, because up until I realized this, I thought I deserved so much.
Throughout my life, I basically have done everything right that society would expect out of you. My upbringing wasn’t the smoothest, but yet, I still tried to become the best version of myself possible. I’m the girl who gets anxiety attacks if I forget my homework, or even worse, who gets a B on an assignment. I’ve never been in trouble, not even getting one day of detention in school. I had a very successful athletic career. I am very involved in school, and in the community. I work my way through college. And, I always strive to be friendly to everyone I meet. Of course, I didn’t choose to be this person to get affirmation or recognition from others. But, I did think I deserved more than what I had. I looked at other people who constantly skipped school, partied every night, got in trouble all the time, and who didn’t care two flips about their future, and I wondered how they deserved the things I didn’t have. I thought I deserved to have a support system growing up. I thought I deserved to not be cheated on or disrespected in relationships. I thought I deserved to have money to pay for new basketball shoes. And, I thought I deserved to not have both of my parents pass away at twenty years old. I’m naturally a very joyful person, but I always had a small cloud of bitterness and resentment over myself for the things that have happened in my life. I thought because I did almost everything right that I merited some type of that happiness that I always yearned for. The truth is, though, I didn’t deserve for these unpleasant things to happen—they just did. And, just because I try to do the right things, doesn’t mean I deserve good things to arise. I kept thinking I deserved more, and of course, I kept ending up disappointed.
I ended up disappointed because a version of myself played the victim card. I constantly told myself “with all the bad things that’ve happened, good things are sure to come.” I thought the universe owed me happiness for the pain it caused me. I kept expecting my reparation. But, once I realized that this is not how life functions, I quickly did find my happiness that I had been expecting all my life. Instead of expecting joy, I started working for it. The good that’s in my life is not based off what you think you deserve. If we start doing things because we expect a reward out of it, we’re not doing them for the right reasons. We don’t get good grades, kind friends, awards, careers, or money because we are entitled to it. We aren’t entitled to anything in this life. We earn it. We push aside the hurt and turmoil life throws at us, and make a life of earnings, not privilege.
Some of us have had utterly unjust things happen in our life. The comforting thing is we didn’t do anything to deserve it. But, we need to get out of the victim mentality and stop making excuses for our unhappiness. The moment we think we deserve something is when discontent and depression are inevitable. Because that’s when you hold back your true potential. Stop holding your breath for something you expect to happen, because when you stop breathing, you’re not living. So start breathing, start working for what you want, and starting living. Let go of the idea that you deserve better and go and earn it.
