How You Know You're A Swimmer

21 Things You Would Only BEGIN To Understand If You Are A Swimmer

Chlorine really is your perfume.

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Swimmers are a special type of breed.

Not many people would voluntarily wake up at ungodly hours of the morning to jump into a pool that feels like ice water just to stare at a black line in the bottom of the pool for two hours.

Here are 21 things that only swimmers will understand.

1. You have to set at least five alarms to wake up in the morning.

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You know all too well that you need at least five alarms to wake you up for practice in the morning; because you know that if you do not your coach will personally call you to yell at you for not being at practice, and nobody wants that wake-up call.

2. You have accepted that chlorine is your perfume.

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No matter how many times you shower or however many body washes you use, you will still smell like chlorine. Even whenever you sweat it smells like chlorine. You have gotten used to everybody making a weird face and asking "what is that smell" whenever you enter a room.

3.You have mastered the art of the "deck change"

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Let's face it we have all been in situations whenever we were running late, so we had to "deck change". You have also used this technique in places like the gym class locker room and had everybody amazed that you could change clothes without ever taking the original clothes off until you had already changed.

4. You have worked as a life guard at least once in your life.

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Just face it, you can't stay away from the pool no matter how hard you try, so you got a job watching other people swim. You also definitely secretly judged the other lifeguards that were not swimmers.

5. Having permanent google/ cap lines on your face.

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There is nothing like going to take a selfie after practice only to find the bright red marks going across your forehead and around your eyes.

6. Taking ten or more minutes to put on a tech suit.

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Only swimmers can understand the struggle of trying to put on an article of clothing that is purposely five sizes too small for at least ten minutes. All of the pain and suffering of shoving your body inside the suit is then rewarded by that 0.01 of a second you dropped in your race.

7. Having weird shaving schedules.

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You were told when you were and were not allowed to shave by your coach so you could get the right taper, and have the least amount of "drag" before your race.

8. Food, in general.

Over your years as a swimmer, you have learned that you can, in fact, eat a whole large pizza by yourself. You have also had some weird looks from the servers at Olive Garden after your second basket of bread sticks and second bowl of pasta.

9. You physically cannot run.

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Over the years your body adapts to always being in the water so whenever you then try to run; you just can't.

10. The pain of hitting your hand on the lane line.

To an average person, the lane line looks like the least intimidating part of the pool; swimmers, however, see it as a thing to avoid at all costs Hitting your hand on the lane line is the swimmers equivalent of stepping on a Lego.

11. You know multiples of 25 better than anybody else.

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You do not even have to think when somebody asks how much 13x25 is, you know the answer is 325.

12. Top and Bottom mean something completely different to you.

On the top means on the 60 or 00. On the bottom means on the 30. (when the pace clock reads :30, :60, or :00).

13.You have gotten very good at telling stories in small increments.

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You have mastered the art of telling ten seconds of a story swimming to the other side of the pool and then continuing the previous story for another 10 seconds, repeating this cycle until the story or set has finished.

14. You never want to have practice on your birthday.

Birthday swims are the worst thing ever invented. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to celebrate somebody's birthday by making them swim butterfly while being splashed in the face by your entire team every time you try to breathe.

15. Butterfly is not a peaceful animal.

Butterfly is arguably the worst, most tiring stroke that can be swam.

16. Meet warm ups have trained you for the apocalypse.

Meet warm-ups truly are every man for themselves. I have personally been scratched, kicked, and bitten during meet warm-ups.

17. Taper

The one week where you do not want to skip practice.

18. You do not know how to have fun at a public pool.

Every time your friends ask you to go to a pool with them you just end up trying to race everybody at the pool, or just practicing dives and flip turns.

19. You have also mastered water polo.

Coaches would have you play water polo as a fun game but soon it turned into an all-out war and more of a workout than a normal practice.

20. Thunderstorms are your favorite weather phenomena.

You always know whenever it is about to storm, and you always make sure your coach knows too.

21. The bruises you get from the pool.

You know the pain of going to a pool with a high gutter and just knowing you are going to leave with at least three new bruises on your legs.

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1. Smile all the time.

Guys want to be with girls who are always happy. Men get severely uncomfortable when all the women around them are not Cheshire cat level elated all the fucking time. Why are you mad? Why do you look so pissed? Are you defective? Autopilot your brain to borderline creepy giddiness before men get the idea that you might actually be capable of a full range of human emotion.

2. Be smart.

Men want women to be smart, but never smarter than them. Don’t know or say anything too much about anything specifically – except sports.

3. Eat like a man, look like a lady.

How many burgers can you fit in your mouth at once? Better, even, how many hotdogs? Have the appetite of a grizzly bear, but eat like a cute tiny rabbit, or Kate Upton faking an orgasm. Oh, and never, ever get above a size 4.

4. Play video games.

No guy can resist a girl who loves to play video games (in her underwear). Fifa, 2K, Smash, Kart – know them all. If you can’t at least beat his worst friend at his favorite game, you’re not a keeper.

5. Love beer.

If you can’t throw ‘em back like one of the guys, you’re not wifey. Yeah, that Norwegian IPA no one's ever fucking heard of? You got it. Bud Light? Sure. Fat Tire? You love that shit. Feel free to let out that beer burp while you’re at it, but the burp you’d imagine a Japanese dwarf squirrel would let out after eating rainbows. Oh, and don’t forget, size 4.

6. Be a freak, but also a nun.

We all know that lyric (thank you, Ludacris, so much). Hit those yoga poses hard because he wants you to bust that shit out like you’ve done it before. But you haven’t … right? Have you?!

7. Keep him on his toes.

No man wants a woman who is predictable and boring. Challenge him. Keep him intrigued. Drop an F bomb every now and then. Learn a foreign language in your spare time so that you might give the illusion of being exotic in bed (Slavic languages sound super sexy). Induce yourself into an epileptic seizure. Whatever it takes to keep it interesting.

8. Have quirks.

Ah, quirks. The things that make people unique. The things that make people, people. You must have at least three of these but no more than five. Think relatable Stepford Wife.

9. Be hot.

This is potentially the most important, and luckily I don’t need to tell you how this works. Look at anything. Anywhere. That ever existed.

10. Never, ever get mad.

The worst thing you can do as a woman is challenge a man’s authority. Don’t talk back. Don’t think. Don’t have expectations. Sit. Roll over. Hold the bark.

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And finally, in the spirit of strong conclusions and remarkably appropriate GIFs:

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr
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15 Thing Only Early 2000's Kids Will Understand

"Get connected for free, with education connection"

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This is it early 2000's babies, a compilation finally made for you. This list is loaded with things that will make you swoon with nostalgia.

1. Not being accepted by the late 90's kids.

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Contrary to what one may think, late 90's and early 00's kids had the same childhood, but whenever a 00's kid says they remember something on an "only 90's kids will understand" post they are ridiculed.

2. Fortune tellers.

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Every day in elementary school you would whip one of these bad boys out of your desk, and proceed to tell all of your classmates what lifestyle they were going to live and who they were going to marry.

3.Bunnicula

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You could never read this book past 8 o'clock at night out of fear that your beloved pet rabbit would come after you.

4. Silly bands.

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You vividly remember begging your parents to buy you $10 worth of cheap rubber bands that vaguely resembles the shape of an everyday object.

5. Parachutes.

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The joy and excitement that washed over you whenever you saw the gym teacher pull out the huge rainbow parachute. The adrenaline that pumped through your veins whenever your gym teacher tells you the pull the chute under you and sit to make a huge "fort".

6. Putty Erasers

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You always bought one whenever there was a school store.

7. iPod shuffle.

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The smallest, least technological iPpd apple has made, made you the coolest kid at the bus stop.

8. "Education Connection"

You knew EVERY wood to the "Education Connection" commercials. Every. Single.Word.

9. " The Naked Brothers Band"

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The "Naked Brothers Band" had a short run on Nickelodeon and wrote some absolute bangers including, "Crazy Car' and "I Don't Wanna Go To School"

10. Dance Dance Revolution

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This one video game caused so many sibling, friend, and parent rivalries. This is also where you learned all of your super sick dance moves.

11. Tamagotchi

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Going to school with fear of your Tamagotchi dying while you were away was your biggest worry.

12. Gym Scooters

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You, or somebody you know most likely broke or jammed their finger on one of these bad boys, but it was worth it.

13. Scholastic book fairs

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Begging your parents for money to buy a new book, and then actually spending it on pens, pencils, erasers, and posters.

14.Go-Gurt

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Who knew that putting yogurt in a plastic tube made it taste so much better?

15. Slap Bracelets

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Your school probably banned these for being "too dangerous".

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