1. Show them all "The Office" romances.

Every last one, one episode at a time. "The Office" is the road map to modern day romances. When your kids are trying out online dating, they will learn the old-fashioned way still works. Characters like Ryan and Kelly are perfect examples of what not to settle for. Toxicity at its finest. Go for Jim and Pam, the role model couple. If you want to really have fun, try Michael and... We will cover him later.

2. Tell them cooties are STDs.

I know cooties is one letter away from cookies but we all have to learn and know the difference at some point. Do not kiss anyone unless the feeling is right or you know that you like them. Otherwise, avoid the body of the opposite sex and you will not get mono or something worse.

3. Show images of the endocrine and reproductive systems.

Your body will change sometimes in unexpected and unflattering ways, but do not be alarmed. This is your body telling you that you are growing up and discovering your first glimpse into adulthood. You cannot see it now but the systems and their functions of your body are helping you grow up inside you. The other stuff that you can see is our next lesson.

4. Show images of the sexual organs.

They have to know what it is of course and be aware of the other parties who do not have what they have as well. Boys have a pickle jar and girls have a cookie jar. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. Simply said and done. Thanks "Kindergarten Cop!"

5. Tell them the birds and the bees are a metaphor.

What for? Well, you see kids, when two people love each other very much, they tend to have things in common. Birds and bees fly, so naturally they would be together. Also, their differences make them appreciate who they are.

6. Tell them they may have urges.

There might come a time when your... lower member might get... bothered. That's perfectly normal and natural. It might come as a surprise (good way to sum that up), but don't be alarmed if you end up wet. Think of it like sweating. A lot.

7. Show them where babies come from.

The stork is a cover-up for three-year-olds. You're four now, so let's talk anatomical awareness. The boy's lower member hugs the girl's lower member and then the girl's lower member makes another boy or girl. It's just like baking a cake; the girl is the oven and the boy is the ingredients.

8. Tell them safe sex is not a myth.

At some point or another, they'll come across pornography and what they see will create unrealistic expectations in more ways than one. Do not watch any of it. The way to have sex should be mutual with nonaggression and the outcome should be a safe experience between you and your partner. Remember to also wear a condom if you don't plan on having a child quite yet.

11. Tell them to not be absent from abstinence.

You don't need to snap yourself with a rubber band every time you can't control the urge or wear a chastity belt or ring. Take a break from your sexual tendencies through moderation. I won't say it's not healthy to stimulate yourself but don't turn it into a bad habit.

12. Tell them to be happy and healthy.

Honey Nut Cheerio's Buzz the Bee is right, not only is this motto a great way to promote my favorite cereal, it's something to live by, it's a simple truth. Happiness is close to healthiness. Have a nice relationship with whomever you so choose!