Ways to Avoid 13 Questions You Don’t want to Answer

There are some questions that we all dread, and usually give some sort of vague answer to in a desperate attempt to end the conversation. Here’s a fool-proof guide on how to answer life’s hard hitting questions.

1. So are you seeing anyone?

“Not at the moment, but I saw a really nice slice of pizza yesterday.”

2. * Any comment about your body or physical appearance * (AKA did you lose/gain weight? Did you dye your hair?)

“No. I’ve looked the same every year of my life since birth.”

3. What do you want to do with your life? Do you want kids?

*Fall on the floor and lay there silently for as long as it takes the person to walk away *

4. What do you want to study at school?

“How to avoid social situations such as this one.”

5. How old are you again?

“How old are you again?”

6. How’s (friend you’re no longer friends with)?

“Sorry, my attorney won’t let me discuss them.” (Then proceed to wink at them.)

7. Aren’t you proud of your sibling for (insert accomplishment here)?

“Yes. Have you ever had watermelon? It’s really good, too!”

8. Are you really getting more cake?

“Did we ever question any of George Washington’s life decisions? I don’t think so…”

9. Did you know you look just like your mom?

"What are the odds?” (Alternative option: break into the song “I Got it From My Mama” by Will.I.Am.)

10. Are you feeling OK? You look tired.

“I feel like a piece of string.” (If they look at you questioningly, proceed to act out a heartfelt pantomimed one-person rendition of “The Titanic” and then they should leave you alone.)

11. How did you get so tan/Why are you so pale/Why is your skin a color?

“Thanks for asking, I actually have different shades of skin that I wear under my clothes! I pick one out in the morning, like a jacket of some kind.”

12. How much money do you make?

Don’t answer. Just make aggressive eye contact with them for exactly two-minutes and then break into a sprint and hide.

13. What is your sexuality?

Scream.

I hope this was helpful to you! Please report back with how these suggestions helped you!