I have been suffering from anxiety and panic disorders since I was around nine years old. Over the last ten years I’ve noticed my anxiety is like a shape shifter of emotions. It wears the masks of one thing when really you feel another. Here are some of the ways my anxiety pops up that are not just panic attacks. I know this list isn’t definitive for everyone, but I’m sure some of you can relate.

Anger:

Sometimes when I’m panicky I immediately am put in a bad mood. It can be as mild as just being annoyed to as bad as snapping at people, even when they’re just trying to help. I hate when I become angry from my anxiety because I know I can hurt people’s feelings or make people think I am upset with them. Usually the reason I’m cranky is just because I’m in a situation out of my control. I promise I never am trying to hurt people and I do appreciate when people try to help but when my world feels out of control it’s nearly impossible to control my emotions.

Sadness:

There are a lot of things that are very hard for me to do because of my anxiety. While I don’t necessarily have panic attacks every day, I will have anxiety every day for the rest of my life. Some days that just makes me sad. Some days I start to have anxiety and for the rest of the day I feel sad because it is something I will always have to manage.

Exhaustion:

There are days where I sleep as much as I’m supposed to and don’t have a crazy day but by 2 o’clock I need a long nap and even then I can still be tired. This confuses a lot of people; they wonder how someone can be so exhausted so often. I’ll tell you how. Convincing yourself constantly that you are fine and you are not dying and the world is not ending is really tiring. It takes up a good chunk of my mental energy most days. That doesn’t even count for the days I have full-blown panic attacks which can just wipe out all of my energy for the day.

Disinterest:

My ways of calming my anxiety and panic include focusing on one thing to try to distract me or maybe playing on my phone or doing some activity. When I’m with other people this often comes across as disinterest. I don’t do it to be purposefully rude, and the people who know me well know that I’m just lost in my head for a bit, but it’s still bothersome to me and sometimes others that I can so suddenly seem oblivious to what’s going on around me.

Hyperactivity/silliness:

Sometimes when I’m anxious I just need to do things. It can range from cleaning a house from top to bottom to just needing to be constantly moving. Sometimes this hyperactivity is paired with silliness or just overall cheeriness. This is usually my mind’s way of trying to distract itself from whatever is causing my anxiety.

Physical Illness:

My least favorite thing about anxiety is how sick I get from it. Stomach pains, nausea, dizziness and headaches are the most common things I feel. Chest pain and numbness of my arms and legs are some of the more serious symptoms I get. Feeling this sick is never pleasant and almost always leads me to have even more anxiety that something is actually wrong with me. A lot of the times that I’m sick are because of my anxiety.

Neediness:

Typically, I’m one of the most independent people I know. When I’m anxious, however, that can all go out the window. Some days I just need to be surrounded by people and constantly in conversation to make it through the day. The company of people helps me feel safe and secure which can help calm me down.

Isolation:

While some days I need to be with people, others I just want to stay in my room by myself and not have to deal with the world. If I don’t want to hang out with you or ask if we can stay in, it’s not because I don’t like you or like going out, it’s just sometimes I need a break from humans.