F*** this S***

Nope, I’m sorry, unfortunately no. There are only so many ways to say that you are not good enough. I've heard them all. I used to think that it would be better if people were just straight with me and told me when they dislike me. But that is something I would like to take back. Based on how people treat me I can assume that they don’t like me. But with the plausible deniability, I was kept from knowing for sure. Now I know where I stand. I am a roadside spectacle, a sight to be watched and laughed at. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to have lobsters crawling from your ears? I imagine it is a problem that those who see it have no idea what to do and or how to help you. But the majority of people would just ignore you, like in those videos of the people begging for help on the streets. The dirty beggar receives no aid and the well-dressed one gets help right away. I always feel like that dirty beggar. There is no way people just gloss over the obvious signs of depression. They just don’t care. No one cares about me.

No. What an awful word. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me I could not do something, I would be a very rich man. I have nothing going for me. My future is full of only failure. How do I know? The only thing I excel it is failure. The only thing I ever been good at is not being good enough. Don’t talk like that… (Insert generic motivation quote here). Oh, I never thought about it like that before! Now, I’m all better. I’m sorry, but that stuff does not really work. A quote like, “Everything happens for a reason” or, “It gets better” or, “People love you” or, “This too shall pass,” etc. last one or two days max. Other than that, they don’t actually help people. Reminding me that people love me only makes me angry that people love a loser. Does it really get better? Because it very really does. Problems overwhelm us for time to time but they very go away. It never gets better; it just gets different. Yes, every does happen for a reason. Every happens to me and the reason is that the world hates me. It tries to get rid of me like a bad kidney transplant.

People are generally nice. Nice; funny word, right? The word nice is derived from the word that created the/. word naïve. So when something or someone is “nice,” it is naïve, like most people who give empty complaints that mean nothing. If they actually cared, they would help me and listen to what I have to say. But no. They give me their quotes and generic comments. Or they compare me to them. They say, “Oh, it just like the situation I’m in…” F*** you. Then they continue, “...only, mine is worse than yours, and I handled it better.” Thanks, that’s what I needed to hear. People care for like five seconds, but getting someone to listen past that is asking too much. I’m struggling over here, but no one cares.

Have you ever struggled to get out of bed? Who hasn’t, right? Sometimes you're just too sleepy to get up. Life is wonderful! (Sarcasm) What I’m asking is, have you ever lacked all power to get up on your own? Like you have no motivation to make it to the end of the day because nothing matters anymore? That’s struggling. Your heart enters a permanent darkness. It’s a trap, a never-ending abyss. The Darkness is not a one and done trip. Once you visit once, it never leaves you. It lurks in the shadows like a panther ready to pounce at any moment. To all my friends that conquer the Darkness, does it ever go away? No, unfortunately, the Darkness never leaves. Once defeated, it regroups and waits for the next time you are weak. Therefore, it can never be conquered; only managed.

So, to all my friends with the darkness lurking behind you, I’m here for you. You have one person that will listen, not judge, and give better advice than something printed on a throw pillow. Finally, to all those people that deny me and make me feel worthless and all those that say I can’t and that I’m not good enough to succeed, I have two words for you: “Watch me.”