I Promise, He Is Not The One That Got Away

I Promise, He Is Not The One That Got Away

You will never have to chase what is meant to stay.

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You miss him. You miss the hugs, the laughs, the inside jokes. You miss hearing his voice over phone calls, you miss the late night drives, you miss the fun adventures. You miss your best friend.

The guy that you loved so much, that you once planned a future with, that you haven't had to imagine life without in so long, is suddenly gone. No explanation will make it easier, or less confusing, or less unfair.

You're probably thinking that you'll never move on. You're thinking that this pain you're feeling will stay with you forever. You think that you lost the love of your life, because how could a bond so strong not be meant to last forever?

Leaving the familiar is terrifying. It is so easy to believe that this was the greatest love you will ever experience. You're afraid to leave behind the memories. You don't want to start over, because no relationship you have with anyone else will ever be the same. Nobody is him, and nobody will ever be him. Scary, isn't it? Actually, no. This is the greatest truth that you can admit to yourself right now. Nobody will ever be him.

He left. He hurt you. He made you feel unworthy. He did not choose to love you the way that you deserve. Yes, he did make you happy for a season of your life. This is a beautiful thing, and you shouldn't deny it. Just because he did not make you happy forever does not erase the time you spent together. Every relationship leaves behind memories, and these memories will always be pieces of your life. It is okay to think about them. You will be thankful for them one day.

Love is not always meant to last forever. Loving someone does not bind you to each other for eternity. It's unfair, and it feels impossible to let a love go. Especially when you were certain you would never have to. You fear that he was "the one that got away". I promise you, this is so far from true. "The one" would not leave. He would choose to love you even through the rough times, instead of walking away. Saying someone is "the one that got away" is a counterintuitive statement, and frankly it's a load of BS. Yeah, sure, he got away, but would "the one" really put you through endless amounts of pain and suffering? Or would "the one" treat you with respect and love you the way you deserve?

I've been in this same situation, fearing that my ex is the person that I am supposed to be with and that I let him get away. But truthfully, I didn't let him get away. He chose to leave all on his own. And that by itself should be a sign that he really is NOT "the one". If you have to chase and beg and bargain with someone for them to be in your life, odds are they're not meant to be there anyway.

It ended because better is out there. It ended because the relationship was no longer best for the both of you. It may feel like you lost the best thing in your life, but there is a reason for it. If something leaves, it means that that something is no longer supposed to be in your life. And that means that you will be better off without it. He is not "the one that got away", because "the one" would do everything in his power to stay.

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When You're With The Right Guy, He'll Take The Time To Learn About Your Mental Illness, Trust Me

If he wants to make it work and really loves you, he'll learn all of your ins and outs.

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. The journey we've been on to get to where we are now has been one of the scariest and most fun roller coasters I've ever been on.

My mental health has come in the way of a lot of relationships, both romantic and platonic. I've never quite been able to find a way to master explaining it to people. And I still haven't. Explaining what can happen in your head, when you can barely explain it to yourself is a very difficult and often heart wrenching task.

When I had started dating my boyfriend, I was scared to tell him about my mental health. While I have gained a lot of confidence and it isn't nearly as severe as it was years ago, I know how it can get when "one of those days" comes. I know how scary I can get when I fall into a panic attack. I know how hard it can be to look at someone you love while they have a tear stained face unable to tell you what's wrong.

In the past I've tried two different things. One being that I wouldn't tell them at all and I would try to go day by day like I didn't have this cloud above my head. Once they'd see what I can get like, they'd leave. They "couldn't handle the amount of work I needed" or they felt burdened by being with me. Some would even say they "love me too much to put themselves through seeing me like that."

The other option I tried was putting it all out on the table. I had tried that once. I had told my most recent ex boyfriend everything. I laid it all out on the line, hoping that it would be different. At first, it was. He was comforting and understanding. Until it got to a point where he was using what I told him against me.

He knew my weak points. He knew what would hit the hardest and he was good at what he was doing.

It wasn't until my current boyfriend that I realized that isn't how love should be.

He could tell from the beginning that there were missing puzzle pieces. There were walls that I had build around me that I wasn't about to let just anyone knock down. At first, I found his pestering quite rude. Until he proved his point. He had come to me one night and said he wanted me to tell him everything. No details left behind.

I kind of sat there with my mouth open. I actually tried to pretend as if I didn't know what he was talking about. Within minutes, I was spilling everything. Every crevice I could have touched base on, I did. While I thought he was going to look shocked, scared, or bored even.

He didn't.

He was looking deep into my eyes the whole time. He never broke eye contact with me. He was focused and didn't say anything, just nodded his head. After I was finished and the tears were falling, he held me in an embrace and the only words he could mutter was, "You are so beautiful and one of the strongest people I know. You will get stronger. I promise."

He's taken the time to learn everything. He's watched psychologist's lectures, he's read articles. He's done everything in his power to learn what I need on my dark times. He honestly has gotten to know me so well, I think he knows me better than I know myself.

Not only has it helped our relationship as a whole, but it's helped me learn about myself in a way that I couldn't quite do on my own. He's offered me a kind of love that I've never had before. One where I don't have to fear rejection or getting left behind.

Ladies, if he's the right guy, he'll do whatever it takes to make sure that you have exactly what you need. Not just physically but mentally as well. My guy knows the days where, I could just really use a good cry and being held for 20 minutes. He also knows when I need reassurance.

A guy that truly loves you will learn these things about you. He won't ignore you, he won't brush it off and say "you'll be fine."

Take my word on it, that's the guy you'll want to marry someday.

I know I do.

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I Finally Came To Terms With My Abusive Relationship And I Know That I Deserve To Be Treated Better

It took a lot of time and countless nights of nightmares, but I finally feel good enough to come out about it.

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A long time ago, I met a guy who on paper would seem like a real dreamboat. He knew everything to say to make me run back to him whenever he needed me and I spent a good portion of my life trying to make him happy because I always seemed to do so. This relationship went sour very fast and the fact that I said, "He knew everything to say to make me run back to him..." should be a real red flag to anyone that this guy was not okay.

There were nights where he would get carried away and I would wake up with bruises near my neck that I would pass off as hickeys so no one would ask me questions. I remember the nights he tried to make me feel bad for him, emotionally manipulating me into feeling like he did nothing wrong and what was happening to me was more my fault than his. Looking back, I can easily see how abusive it was, but when you're in the situation, it's hard to admit to yourself what's going on. You have hope in you that the person you first started dating is still there, so you cling onto the good times and make excuses for the bad. It's sick and it's sad, but until you go through it (and I certainly do not wish that upon anyone) you'll never understand the mental battle it really is.

I grew up with a cousin who was trapped in several abusive marriages and most of my childhood was spent trying to get her out of each marriage and hiding her and her son from her husbands in my house. I always knew that if you allow your significant other to treat you less than you deserve, it spirals out of control and unfortunately, I fell into the same trap, I just never knew how to admit it to myself.

The hardest thing I had to do was admit it to my closest friends and to my parents. I remember telling my parents which was the hardest thing I had to do. I knew I did nothing wrong and that it was all his fault, but telling the two people who love you unconditionally and raised you to realize your worth is one of the hardest hurdles I had to overcome. When I began to speak out about it, I remember my parents and my friends being there for me, reminding me that I am worth more and that it's not my fault, because, unfortunately, it's so easy to believe that you did something wrong enough to deserve it. Remember this, you didn't do anything wrong. It's a problem deep within him and believing it's in any way something wrong with you gives him the power over you that he doesn't deserve.

I hope anyone reading this who may have been in an abusive relationship knows that it's not you, you did absolutely nothing wrong. We may not know each other personally, but I believe in you and I know you are amazing just the way you are. If he couldn't treat you like the goddess you are, then save yourself for the one who comes along and will. That person is out there, but for now, work on yourself and seek a solid, small group of people (along with a professional because I know my therapist has helped me through more than I can describe) and give yourself time to heal. You can do this, I believe in you.

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